Checking In On My BIGGEST LOSER Favorites

February 3, 2010

Stephanie > You

After the “Biggest Loser” premiere I chose 3 favorite teams: White (Michael & Maria), Orange (Daris & Cheryl) and Yellow (Sunshine & O’Neal). That was about a month ago. Let’s see how my little big losers are faring… and add Purple Stephanie to my list.

All of the young women on this show are Snookin’ for Love (I can say that because it’s not yet copyrighted… you just wait), and I think that Purple Stephanie is going to land a man in the very near future. She’s already beautiful, and once she loses the weight she’s going to have a huge confident boost. Watch out, boys!

Stephanie “lost” her mom (aka her mom got sent home) several weeks ago, but Stephanie never complained about losing her support system. In fact, Stephanie seems to be a rock for the other contestants. Last night when Jillian told the women (and Michael) to run for five minutes on the treadmill, several of the women (especially new-to-the-ranch Sunshine) seemed dumbfounded by the challenge. But Stephanie encouraged them all through it like a pro, even though she was just as tired and unsure as the rest of them. For that, I love her.

As I hinted at above, this week Sunshine & O’Neal (don’t they sound like a ’70s band?) returned to the fray and won back their slot on the ranch by losing more weight than the Blue team (they did great, too). They also seem like really great, supportive people to have around– and luckily they didn’t have to make any enemies last night, because Brown John got an automatic send-home.

Michael “lost” Maria a few weeks back and people seemed to doubt his commitment to Sparkle Motion, but last night he surprised everyone (including himself) when he won the pushy-thingy challenge. He is getting a major ‘fro (as is Daris). I can’t wait until makeover week. (Red Lance’s dangle-beard, especially, has to go.)

Cheryl kind of faded into the background after her week-one primal insanity moment, and Daris was struggling because he was failing to “hit his burn” and kept getting low-ish numbers. But this week Jillian finally had a talk with him and tried to make him realize that he was more than the designated “funny fat friend,” and he ended up breaking into the double digits. It was surprising because Jillian didn’t “break him” like she does with a lot of the contestants. She just had nice little chat. Jillian works in mysterious and surprisingly effective ways with the individuals.

I’m still really curious to see how Daris will look once he loses the weight and the ‘fro. He should start taking dating lessons now, if those are a thing. (And if they are, I am offering them? For… $700/hour?)

Speaking of… next week they’re training with Olympians! Inspiring Olympians! And two people are getting voted off… it’s the end of team weigh-ins.

And… oh yeah–I have to mention this. She’s not on my faves list (although she is Michael’s surrogate mom?), but Miggy had a freakin’ appendectomy and came back to the ranch and walked like 40 miles during the next three days. WTF. That does not seem like a recipe for recovery. But whatever, she lost five pounds. Next week: her stomach falls out through her ruptured surgery site. And she can never eat solids again. Problem solved! (Just kidding. I hope.)

Apparently when you have surgery, the doctors pour gallons and gallons of salt water into your body? That seems like a bad idea? But what do I know? I’m not a doctor, and I don’t even play one on TV. Truth is stranger than fiction, etc etc. I can’t handle the truth!

Have a safe week, exercise with care, and try not to let your appendix burst. If it does, just start drinking salt water as fast as you can. (And if you think your appendix has burst and this is the first thing you found in the Google results… please stop Googling and call 911 immediately.) (And don’t drink salt water! For the love of Jacob!)

xoxo…


I Got LOST Last Night!

February 3, 2010

A fridge full of Dharma drinks at the "Lost" party.

[I didn't literally get lost in a geographical sense... although strangely enough my Google Maps directions to my friend's house were totally off, but every time I decided to turn around, I'd end up on the correct street. And then once I parked I couldn't find my friend's place, and ran into a stranger who was looking for a different gathering next door... so that started off the night on an appropriately odd foot.]

So I went to my friend’s “Lost” party last night, and I was “that girl who has never seen an episode.” BUT as much as the guests scoffed and scorned, I had done my research, and I’m pretty sure I kept up at least as well as the rest of them. (Get it? I *got* “Lost”?) My gracious host sat next to me, whispered a bit of backstory where I needed it, and allowed me to make a few jokes from time to time.

Here are some things I learned watching last night’s episode–

-I can’t tell the difference between Elizabeth Mitchell (Juliet) and Sonya Walger (Penny). I really thought that Juliet was Sonya Walger, until the other party guests informed me that, no, Juliet is NOT on “FlashForward.” And… I am still not completely convinced otherwise.

-The smoke monster has tentacles, like Ursula the Sea Witch. (I’ve heard about the smoke monster, but really didn’t expect to see it on first viewing.)

-Airplanes WANT to stay up.

-Jack’s “I’m-doing-CPR” face is inappropriately sexual.

-There are Dharma sharks (and Dharma peanut butter).

-Kissing somebody with blood-crusted lips is kind of more gross than romantic. For this viewer, at least.

Ian Somerhalder (aka Boone, aka Damon from “Vampire Diaries”–looking pretty much exactly the same) (maybe he wasn’t allowed to alter his vamp-hair?) (maybe he always looks like that?) appeared ever-so-briefly in the [SPOILER] plane-didn’t-crash reality, but since we’re following what happens to everybody in that reality, I think he miiiight be back? Even if it’s just one more scene? I swore he said that he flew to Hawaii to do some shooting, but the one scene we saw was in an airplane… which probably would have been shot in LA? I don’t know.

Boone and Locke were sitting in the same row on the plane, and Locke told Boone that he’d just been on a great walkabout (?) in the Australian outback, where he slept on the floor and hunted wallaby… actually, I don’t remember what he said he did, but it was all very manly Crocodile Dundee stuff. My host explained that Locke TRIED to go on the walkabout, but since he’s in a wheelchair (which Boone can’t tell, sitting on the plane) he was turned away. SAD. It doesn’t sound that sad, the way I described it, but trust me— SO SAD. TRAGIC.

I didn’t realize that the premiere was 2 hours, and when it cut to black at 10pm with Locke getting wheeled off the plane I couldn’t believe it would end on such a depressing note. But luckily… another hour! The temple (of doom)! A Japanese guy who tends bonsai trees and doesn’t like the way English tastes on his tongue!

I watched some of the pre-episode recap show, and the people at the party kept telling me emphatically that everything was much more dramatic the first time around. It’s kind of hilarious to see people yell really intense lines out of context. I’m very intrigued by the whole Jacob thing… it’s all very Biblical, isn’t it?

In case you can’t tell, (as the girls said on “Conveyor Belt of Love”) I’M INTERESTED! But I think I need to find a person or persons to watch “Lost” with, because it seems much more fun to do the whole “WHOA!” thing with a group. (It’s very EMOTIONAL!) (They say it’s the same with pot– if you have a positive social experience, you’ll want to smoke again. And… I think there’s a high involved in both pot-smoking and watching “Lost.”) And I kind of wish I’d been on the bandwagon a few weeks ago, when everyone was marathon’ing seasons 1-4.

How’d you feel about the premiere?

xoxo…


LOST Season 6 Premieres Tonight- Duh.

February 2, 2010

We're all very confused.

Unless you have been stranded on a mystical, time-hopping island in the middle of the South Pacific, you probably know that “Lost” is on tonight. And if you’re on the East Coast, you’re probably watching it right now.

Truth be told, I have never seen an episode of “Lost” before. But I’m going to my friend’s “Lost” party tonight (free pizza and Dharma beer– he made really pro labels!) and didn’t want to be the stupidest noob around, so I watched a few online recaps (here’s that big-Italian-family one) and dove into the Lost Wiki. Did you know that The Others have a book club? That’s pretty hilarious. Maybe I’ll have to go back and watch this show, after all.

And I’ve been told that I’m not allowed to talk while the episode is airing. Or I’ll get voted off the island. (Wrong show? Wrong show.)

xoxo…


At Long Last…

January 21, 2010

What's with the burger? Can vamps eat or WHAT?

Finally FINALLY finally, “The Vampire Diaries” returns tonight. The episode is called “Bloodlines,” and we know from the preview (and… duh) that Elena is not dead. (Last we saw her, she had just smacked her coche into something wicked that was coming her way.)

The official CW website has posted a ton of new stills, including a whole bunch of flashbacks in episode 113. Gotta say, I’m a little bit jealous. I want to rock a frock!

Much like vampires, croquet will never die.

I am very excited! I don’t know if I’ll post a recap. Let’s be honest: Probably not. But stranger things have happened. If the spirit says recap, I might just have to do it. Just a few little off-the-cuff remarks. Maybe. Don’t get your hopes up.

But DO get your hopes up about tonight’s episode. I am really hoping it’s great. Fingers crossed! This show is one of the few that hadn’t crushed me with disappointment lately, so I think the odds are good. (And is it too much to ask for Elena and Stefan to make out? It probably IS too much since last we saw Elena she was PISSED at big S, but hopefully they will kiss and make up ASAP.)

xoxo…


Vamos Contigo, Conando

January 12, 2010

Get me outta here!

As you’ve probably heard, Conan O’Brien isn’t going to stick around for crazy-town times.

I have admired Conan for a long time, and this just seals the deal. Conan is so eloquent. And wherever he goes (or not), I will tune in.

Well played, Conan.

xoxo…


The Biggest Lover: BIGGEST LOSER Season 9 Preview

January 8, 2010

The rainbow coalition

[Disclaimer: This is not a "preview" in the sense of me knowing anything that you don't. It's a preview, like, I saw the first episode. Calm yourselves.]

New season of “The Biggest Loser!” I’m excited because these people inspire me to go to the gym. And I say that in the nicest way possible. That’s their job, actually. At one point in this episode, Jillian was screaming at the women, “You’re supposed to inspire America!” So, you can’t be mad at me for making left-handed comments. As the title of this post suggests, I’m full of love for these contestants. If you weighed me on a LOVE scale, I’d be totally obese. The biggest LOVER. (Probably not true. I’m kind of a jerk.)

(And the name from the post was inspired by a typo. So many great puns are inspired by typos, no?)

Okay, I’m only here to plug my favorites. This is only based on the first episode. I could live to rue these statements. (Probably not. Whatever. It’s a TV show.)

First of all, how can you not feel the love for Michael and Maria?

Michael and Maria: The Italian Stallions

First of all, they are from Chicago. In my personal experience, people from Chicago are awesome. (See: Roomie/Rachel.) Second, Michael is so sad and scared about being so fat. He cries about how he couldn’t possibly have imagined being more than 500 pounds in his worst nightmares. Michael realizes that even if he loses the equivalent of an obese person, he will STILL be fat. That’s heavy. (Pun kind of intended.) (Definitely intended.) And Maria seems like an incredibly nice lady. I know the “Jersey Shore” cast would love her.

Despite Michael’s giant challenge (ha… sorry), he has a great attitude on the ranch. When he loses enough weight (on the first week!) to get himself out of the 500s, he quips, “Are my abs showing?!” Michael, you are awesome. (Rachel predicts that once he sheds the pounds, he will have no problem finding a delightful Italian bride.)

Next faves… Cheryl and Daris. I don’t know what kind of name Daris is, but I’ll let that slide.

Daris and Cheryl: Curly and Curlier

Daris is sad because he’s the guy who never gets the girl. I predict that he’ll have a relationship with one of the love-lorn girls on the ranch (and there are several). I hope he gets a haircut on makeover week. He can’t hide behind that mop forever!

Jillian did a crazy crouch thing on Cheryl’s treadmill and screamed in her face until she unleashed Cheryl’s inner beast. And then Cheryl beat some shit with a boxing glove. Cheryl is liberated!

Also– I guess this episode was edited really quickly or somebody fell asleep on the job, because the title cards kept being messed up. Like, Cheryl would be talking and the title card would identify her as “Daris, 23.”

Last faves– and this is a little sad because they might be gone forever, already– were O’Neal and Sunshine.

O'Neal and Sunshine: Made Me Weep

O’Neal works for the Postal Service. (The real USPS, not the Ben Gibbard outfit.) O’Neal’s wife has to tie his shoes for him, and he feels really sad about it. And I feel really sad. But what really gets the tears flowing is Sunshine, who… I can’t even remember exactly what she said, but it had to do with feeling like her weight was holding her back, and boys never being interested in her, etc. Those kind of stories always get the tears flowing, because I have BEEN THERE girl. And they make me cry that much harder because I was never even obese. I just had low self esteem.

The first challenge was to ride a bike the same distance that the top 4 ran at the end of last season– AKA a marathon. I was excited to see them take that lovely ride, but it turned out that they were just doing it on stationary bikes that looked like non-stationary bikes. So each team member had to bike 13.1 miles, as far as I could tell. It wasn’t that interesting to watch, but luckily… editing. And the bottom two teams had to leave immediately. And O’Neal and Sunshine were in the bottom two! Nooo! But maybe in a month they’ll be back.

I am not a great runner, but I’ve worked my way up to a 10 minute mile on the treadmill. Pretty much the whole time I’m running I want to stop, but I think, “They did this on the first DAY of Biggest Loser season 8! If you can’t do this, what’s WRONG with you?” (I’m my own Jillian.) (I also think of my friend/co-worker John, who runs marathons. He’s running one this weekend. Good luck, John!) But the thirteen miles of biking seemed kind of weak-sauce to me, so today I got on the sitting down bike (the seat one hurts my butt) and decided to see how long a mile really takes. Given, I was not on the lowest setting (because… I wanted a workout, too), but it look me about 6 minutes to do a mile. So 13 miles x 6 minutes each mile (at least) x hard seat x being obese and sedentary… okay, that was a pretty tough workout for them. (I didn’t finish the 13 miles because I didn’t have time. Sorry, I’m not the best investigative journalist.)

But um, yeah… lots of tears. These people don’t have Abby-like trauma going on, but being sad and lonely is still tear-worthy. And their families cried and cried at the weigh-in. They need to lose the weight to live! (Or so the show keeps reminding us.) Run for your lives, biggest losers! You are going to liiiive.

And also, you are probably going to be hot.

xoxo…


Snack of the Afternoon, 1/8/10: FIBER ONE BARS

January 8, 2010

Don't judge.

A few months ago, one of the writers decided it would be a good idea to purchase a few bouncy blue exercise balls. People like to sit on them, instead of chairs. It’s a thing. So I stole one of them from the writers’ room, and bounced happily on it for a few days. Yay! Until my butt/thigh muscles went, Nooo!

Way back in my sophomore year of college, I took a yoga class and REALLY enjoyed it. I tried to keep up my yoga-doing after the class ended, but that didn’t last long. I’d go to a class or two at the on-campus gym, and then I’d get too busy or whatever whatever. But if I went on a date and the guy asked what I liked to do to keep active, I’d lie and say that I was just about to start up with my yoga again. I mean, it wasn’t a total lie. I really did want to get back into it. But my timeline was vague.

So… after the blue ball incident (ha), I decided that maybe some yoga would cure my sore muscles. I am cheap, so I just went to yoga classes at my gym (I had a pass, but never used it). But I got confused reading the online schedule, and showed up for yoga on a non-yoga day. I didn’t want to look like an idiot and leave five seconds after I got there, so I hit up the elliptical machine. And then I decided to keep it up, so I’d be in shape for next week’s yoga class…

At the same time, I was watching “Biggest Loser” every week with Rachel. I’d watched it on and off in previous seasons, and toward the end I’d always get upset, realizing that these recently obese people suddenly looked better in a sports bra and bicycle shorts than I did. So I decided… I’m gonna show those losers what a REAL loser looks like! (Ha.)

I read recently that people who practice yoga are more mindful eaters than anybody else. And I guess that has become true for me. My new goal at work is not to eat the Pringles, or the random junky cookies… basically all the things I’ve been writing up as my “Snack of the Afternoon.” I’m not saying that Fiber One bars are manna from heaven, but I can say to myself, “Okay Elysse, this Fiber One bar is your only snack. No other snacking. No Pringles.” And I’m getting 35% of my daily fiber. (Apparently.)

Sorry to be boring. I feel like a granny, but at least I’m not lying to da boyz when I tell them that I do yoga. Right? Right. (And really, it’s not about da boyz. If a guy kinda condescendingly asks if you get any exercise other than typing, he’s a dick.) And I’m even doing some running now. I can do a 10 minute mile on a treadmill. That’s my version of a marathon. (One day I ran two miles… maybe I 5K is in my future.) (And after that, a hip replacement.)

So yeah, my snack of the afternoon is a Fiber One bar. Oats and peanut butter flavor. I think it’s pretty delish. I couldn’t hang with the mocha flavor, though. Wayyy too strong for me.

Hit me up with recommendations for health junk (ha) like this. (I am also eating Balance Bars for breakfast. I’m in the cult now.)

xoxo…


Snack of the Afternoon, 12/31/09: RITTER SPORT WINTERSORTE 2009

December 31, 2009

Translation: Yum.

My friend Allison lives and studies in Switzerland, which (as you may know) is wedged in between Germany, Austria, Italy, and France. That’s a whole buncha Europe going on, in there! She came home for the holidays and gifted me with this famous German chocolate, which is… not at all translated. But Allison told me that this is the winter edition, and since today is the last day of 2009, I figured I’d post a picture before the chocolate lost its relevance.

Loosely translated, this is a spice cookie covered in chocolate. I LOVE spice cakes and cookies, so I was very excited to dig into this. I’m going to try to limit myself to one little square a day. TRY. That’s a New Year’s resolution if I ever heard one.

I thought the back was kind of hilariously inscrutable, so here’s a picture of that, too.

Knick-Pack!

The one time I went to a German-speaking country (Austria), I was quite confident that I’d be able to translate signs and such, because English is derived from German. If I broke down the long words into the shorter pieces that I recognized, I’d be a translatin’ fool.

But that was not the case. And I got very lost and took a train-bus thing toward the wrong place, until an old man who only seemed to know one word of English (“Helicopter!”) pointed me in the right direction.

Luckily, I can eat the chocolate without translating the wrapper. Or so I think.

xoxo…


Big Love for THE LITTLE COUPLE

December 31, 2009

The Best!

Over the break TLC marathon’ed episodes of “The Little Couple.” I already knew that I liked Bill & Jen from watching specials about them in the past, and sure enough their show is a total delight. They are so funny and complement each other so well. I hope they never pull a Jon & Kate on us. (I never liked Jon & Kate, anyway… sorry.)

Add this to your DVR. It’s fun for the whole family. Trust.

Sorry if I tricked you by saying “Big Love” in the title. I DO watch that show, and it IS premiering soon. But I got nothin’.

Happy New Year!

xoxo…


Snack Trek: KOGI BBQ TACO TRUCK

December 16, 2009

Not pictured: Plastic spork, c. elementary school.

This was not really a snack trek for me, because the Kogi Truck (one of them) came to our office. But in real life (I work in TV, which is not real life) the Kogi Trucks move around, and you have to follow them on Twitter to know when or where they’re going to pop up in your hood… or you drive out to wherever they are.

I have heard a lot of hype about these Korean BBQ tacos, and you know what? For once, something lived up to the hype. THANK YOU. The tacos were a little bit spicy, had a nice amount of veggie crunch, and the best part– savory marinated meat. I mean, I’m not converting to their religion, or whatever. But I enjoyed what I ate.

I ordered a short-rib (beef, apparently), a chicken, and a tofu. But I only ended up getting two tacos. I think one was the beef, because I know what a beef is. The other was probably chicken, but might have been pork. The problem is that since I don’t eat pork, I don’t know what it tastes like. So I can’t tell if I’m eating not-chicken. Does that make sense? I have a history of ordering not-pork and ending up with pork, because God loves to play jokes on his Jewskis. Some funnier than others.

This guy's not laughing.

Coincidentally, the Kogi truck is hitting up my itsy bitsy hometown tonight. So if you’re reading this from my hometown (you know who you are)… hit up the Kogi Twitter and hustle over there. $2/taco. Not bad. Not bad at all.

xoxo…