Luke chats with a few contestants, including Bonnie (far left).
“More to Love,” Episode 1. Air date: 7/28/09
After last night’s “Dating in the Dark,” I wasn’t sure if I could watch and/or recap another image-conscious dating show tonight. I figured I would watch “More to Love” to see some big, beautiful women (not crazy-big, just not twigs) being adored. Maybe a little romance-for-normals would boost my crappy mood.
As I watched the first montage, I realized that hearing women talk about their struggles with love and weight is a fairly cathartic experience, especially for anyone who has been there.
“I want someone who’s not embarrassed to be with me.”
“Now I feel like I can be loved.”
This is sad! There is nothing wrong with these women!
(Sob! Get out your tissues, everybody. There will be tears.)
Why are love, happiness and weight tied so closely together in our society? To paraphrase one of my wise bosses, “The idea that only skinny, pretty people find love and happiness is total bullshit. Go to any mall in middle America, and you’ll see it isn’t true.”The problem is, a lot of women seem to think that only skinny, pretty people (and by whose standards?) DESERVE love and happiness. That’s a trickier fish to fillet.
As Roomie says, “There’s an ass for every seat.” But what about the people who are too scared to sit– the people who stand in the corner looking wistfully at the seats? (Maybe thinking that their asses are too big for the seat? Sorry! Sorry, no more jokes. Life is hard!)
I decided to recap this show because I think it teaches a major lesson in the importance of confidence—it’s a very attractive trait, and it comes from within. (The same goes for happiness.) This show also gave me a nice feeling of, “Oh God, I’m not alone in sometimes having these thoughts and feelings.” I think that anyone who has ever had self-esteem issues—especially size-related ones—can identify.
And now for the show:
Before we meet the women, we meet 26-year-old Luke Conley, the show’s bachelor. Luke voice-overs that he likes voluptuous, curvy women. He’s had his heart broken because of his size, and he hasn’t allowed his hang-ups to keep him from reaching his goals. Even though he’s from California, he has a sort of Southern Gentleman vibe about him. And ladies, he’s handsome.
Luke has a dog! He likes to go to the beach, and he isn’t embarrassed to walk around with his shirt off. He says that he wouldn’t want to be with a girl who’s always obsessively dieting. (I don’t know any guys who WANT to date an obsessive dieter, but I know what he means. And furthermore, does he like snacks? Swoon.)
We see footage of Luke having a barbecue with the aforementioned dog and several of his friends. That’s some serious meat he’s barbecuing, and he’s cutting it with a GIANT KNIFE. I’m not sure what animal that meat came from, or if it’s cooked enough to eat. But Luke’s the grillmaster. I won’t back-seat grill.
Luke says that he wants to experience an overwhelming love. He’s had a hard enough time getting one woman to go after him, and now he’s really pumped to meet twenty girls who are all interested in him. “I’m ready to meet the girl of my dreams,” Luke says. “Bring it on!” (I have a feeling that we’re going to hear that phrase many more times throughout the season.)
“Plus-size model” Emme is the host of the show. She looks lovely, by the by.
As he waits for the girls to arrive, Luke says that he thinks that all women are beautiful. He doesn’t have a type—it’s more about how she carries herself, and who she is as a person. (Really? What a cool concept. I hope it goes viral!) (Like swine flu.)
As Luke greets each girl, we learn their names, ages, occupations, and… height and weight? “They put up their height and weight for all to see?” Roomie gasps. “That seems a little unnecessary… Although I’m curious.” Agreed.
When the girls arrive and tell their stories, it’s a symphony of :’( . I can tell that this show is going to open the waterworks.
I don’t really have a whole lot to say without potentially stepping on a minefield of “I didn’t mean it that way,” so I’m just present a lot of dialogue, verbatim. (In about two paragraphs I will break this vow and start commenting, I’m sure.) Maybe this show is exploitative, maybe it’s inspiring. Bottom line, it’s sad to hear so many lovely young women (we’re talking twenty-one, twenty-two year olds) deliver such heartbreaking statements about their lives.
Heather is already crying in her on-screen interview: “I need to know that love is possible.”
Bonnie has an adorable Diablo Cody vibe. She describes herself as a “chubby, fashionless girl that bakes cookies with her mom,” but I think that Bonnie is definitely underselling herself– she has style. Case in point: she’s a makeup artist. Cool!
Amanda asks Luke if he’s ready to date multiple girls. She’s never had a boyfriend.
So young, and already some of them seem so sure that this is their only chance at love. Sad! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a crop of girls so young on a dating show. Then again, Luke is twenty-six.
Michelle looks really familiar to me (we’re from the same area, so it’s possible I knew her growing up). She talks about how you can’t get anywhere in life unless you love yourself. “I’m gonna buy the clothes that fit me now and enjoy life now,” she says, and that gets me weepy because I have had that epiphany before. Ugh, I need to put this corndog down. (I don’t even eat corndogs!) But if you’ve been there, you know that it can be really hard to commit to liking yourself.
Did I mention that almost all of the girls are crying in their introductory clips? Also, did I mention that Luke is being incredibly kind and welcoming to all of the girls? He radiates warmth. He compliments each girl, and makes them all hum with this “I feel special” vibe. He doesn’t come of as a guy who likes “big girls” so much as he seems like a person who really wants to find a meaningful connection with women who are often overlooked, because he knows the feeling.
As we go into the first commercial break, Roomie points out how sad it is that they’re all crying when they talk about love. We also agree that most of the girls are really pretty. Why can’t they get a break? Why is love so traumatic?
After the commercial, Emme asks Luke if he’s “ready for more” girls. Oh gosh—they’re going to use the word “more” all the time on this show, aren’t they?
Luke meets more girls…
“Plus-size model” Anna says, “I know it’s stupid to say, oh I don’t think someone could love me for who I am, but I’ve never met anyone like that… it’s hard. Love’s a battlefield.”
Natasha is a rocket scientist. She says, “I don’t understand why our society thinks that appearance is the most important thing. I would think that intelligence, or— I don’t know, how nice you are—should be more important.” True!
What with Luke’s kind and heartfelt greetings, the girls who are already inside the house are gushing about him.
Green-dress Melissa (there’s also a M-A-lissa in a blue dress) has never been on a date. “Every time I liked a guy, he always went to a skinnier girl.” She lights up with excitement when Luke compliments her eyes.
Danielle has only been on three dates, and has never had a second date. She interviews that she sees her weight as protection—a man will love her for her, instead of just her looks.
Tali is from Israel, and is wearing a gorgeous flowing purple dress. She wants to prove that love doesn’t have a shape or size. Honestly, based on the high confidence and amazing looks, I’m kind of surprised to see her here. (Also, it’s interesting to note that she was NOT raised in the United States, and seems to have MUCH more confidence about her body. Just sayin’.)
Kristian is full of verve. She interviews that guys love the skinny bitches, and she doesn’t know why. (AMEN to that!) She likes the junk in her trunk! She’s not going to change herself to get a man.
Arianne and Luke exchange warm hugs. She seems really nice, but at thirty-seven she might be too old for Luke. She’s also a “cabaret entertainer.” (Roomie: “Whatever that means.”)
Sandy is from Iowa, and says that people aren’t used to girls her size having confidence.
Shari says that she has been on all sides of the size spectrum. She doesn’t look overweight to me at all. She’s also on the older side of the spectrum.
Magali tells like that he’s “like a big teddy bear.” He’s 6’3” and she looks to be at least a foot shorter than him. She jumps onto a stair to try to get on his level. She seems energetic and fun.
Natalia is another interview-cryer. “What if I’m alone for the rest of my life just because I’m overweight? I’ve got so much to give. I’m a good person. I just want someone to look past [my weight] and love me for me.”
At this moment, Roomie and I agree that some of these girls are going to get HURT, especially the ones who have never even been on a date. They’re pinning all of their hopes and dreams for love on Luke. They’re going to fall in love with him, and when they get eliminated it’s going to feel like THE END.
It seems like there are two basic categories of girls being portrayed—the girls who are at least somewhat confident in themselves (and have dated before) and want a man who likes their type, and the girls who have almost no experience with men, and are seeing this as their one real shot at love. If I were Luke, I’d look for the first type of girl. The second is too inexperienced, and needs to get more comfortable with herself.
Now that Luke has met all twenty of the girls (I left a few of them out), he enters the house with Emme. He says that all of the girls are beautiful, and he seems really excited.
Luke gives a heartfelt speech about how he really empathizes with these ladies, as a larger man. He acknowledges that they have all taken a big step, just showing up. “We’ve all experienced being judged or pushed aside,” he says, and I really like that he keeps emphasizing that he is one of them. He’s not at all condescending about the process or the women.
Luke says that he thinks all of the girls are gorgeous from the outside, but he’s looking for an inward connection. He gives them each a diamond ring (All the single ladies! He liked it, so he put a ring on it!), as a promise to open up his heart and accept them as they are. By accepting ring, the girls promise to do the same for him.
One thing that I like about this at this point is that the girls are so nice to each other. They all gush over the rings together, and they all seemed to hit it off really well as they entered the house.
Even still, this show is even more sorority than “Dating in the Dark.” This first day is rush, and starting next week the remaining girls will be pledging. And only one will make it to initiation! (Doesn’t that make this show sound like a murder mystery?)
Back to the rings. One girl says that the ring is the most expensive ring she’s ever had on her body. Another says that it feels like a hug. I wonder if they’re cubic zirconium. Nobody would know.
Luke pulls all of the girls into a group hug! This feels so much friendlier than the bachelor. He interviews that he’s humbled and excited. He’s nervous, and hopes the girls like him. He thinks they’re all beautiful, and exactly what he’s looking for.
I realize at this moment that this show is the antidote to “Dating in the Dark.” Whereas the shallow people on that show manage to make me feel bad about myself even without talking about me, Luke somehow manages to reach out from my TV and give me a big hug. “You’re beautiful!” Luke says. “I hope you like me for who I am!” I think I do, Luke. You’re a really nice guy.
Luke has little side conversations with all of the girls. He’s trying to get to know them as quickly as he can, because five women will be eliminated at the end of this party. Kristian tells Luke that in her last relationship, the guy was embarrassed that she was large. “He didn’t deserve to be with you, then,” Luke responds, sounding very sincere about it (and he’s totally right). Kristian interviews that she feels like a five year old on Christmas Day. She’s adorable.
Another girl (Natalia?) tells Luke that she quit her job to come here. She’s serious about love, and she’s ready to settle down. (TMI? Too much pressure on Luke? People on reality shows have to put all of their cards on the table ASAP, I suppose.)
Before the commercial we are reminded that Luke has had his heart broken because of his size, and that every girl here is his type.
In case you’re wondering who the target audience is for this show, here’s a Guardasil commercial.
Back from commercials, and Luke reminds us who he is. “Im just an average guy looking for a normal life, and I’m ready to meet the girl of my dreams. Bring it on!” Bring it ON!
Anna and Lauren lie on a big outdoor bed thing with Luke. He’s obviously in heaven, and he’s telling them about his barbecuing prowess.
“What kind of girls do you look for to be enjoying your grilled meats?” Anna jokes. “I’m looking for a girl like you!” Luke responds. He adds that he’s looking for a girl who’s confident (good call!). Anna says if people tell her not to do something, she’ll do it. (That’s not exactly the definition of confident, but okay.) Luke tells her not to kiss him, so she does.
Awkward alert! Lauren is lying right there with them. The one thing I have against Luke as this point is that he is a little bit too aggressive about getting the girls to kiss him. Also: Rude to kiss one girl right next to the other.
Inside, the girls are enjoying “skewered meats.” (There’s a definite meat theme going on here.) Bonnie says, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach and his pants. You go through stomach first ‘cause that’s what classy women do.” I think Bonnie is a riot.
Luke talks to Melissa, the twenty-one-year-old nanny. She’s always been scared of going on a date because it might be a mean joke. (SO. SAD.) I think she’s too inexperienced for Luke. She shouldn’t even want to win this show, really. For Melissa, it should be more about building up the confidence to go on more dates.
Luke is really sweet with Melissa. He offers her his coat and holds her had. It’s like a fantasy for her. “This is one chance to actually feel like I can be loved,” she says. “If I get sent home, it’s gonna really break my heart. I feel extremely vulnerable.” She’s scared of getting her heart broken, but she feels good about gaining confidence. Atta girl, Melissa!
It’s nice that the girls can open up with Luke about their lack of previous dates and their fears and hang-ups, but totally uncharacteristic of the real dating world. That’s the problem for girls like Melissa—a lack of confidence is okay on this show, but to get a real date she’s going to need to fortify her self esteem. Confidence is sexy.
Danielle interviews that she’s always the bridesmaid, never the bride, and always the best friend. I can really identify with that best friend bit. It’s important that she stand out to Luke, so she… jumps in the pool. (“Luke, come in the pool, it’s lukewarm!”) I was totally with her until the pool-jumping.
Bonnie thinks Danielle was kind of rude and ridiculous for jumping into the pool, and says that she looked like an otter. Danielle gets out of the pool and jumps right back in, and then seems to stay in the pool for most of the night, by herself. She’s definitely doing a good job of standing out… er, staying in… the pool.
The girls who are not talking to Luke sit around drinking and trying to game who will go home. Are there too many blondes? Maybe one of them will go. Is he too adventurous for the rocket scientist? Lauren interviews that she is really worried.
Danielle (still in the pool) thinks she must look like a beached whale, but Michelle says they she looks graceful. What a nice competitor. Michelle talks about how she’s wearing Spanx. No way! I wear Spanx, too! Spanx are an amazing invention. (Although to be honest, I wear the cheap Target version.) (They’re called Assets.) (Get it?) ($10/pair.)
Malissa A. (the blonde one, and I’m not sure if the A is for her last name or for the weird A in Malissa) just got back from studying abroad in Paris (is she still in college?!). She knows French, but Spanish is her stronger language. Luke asks her how to say “kiss” in Spanish. Her accent is really good. Luke asks her for a beso, and she hesitates— I don’t really think she wants to kiss him so soon. After a moment she kisses him, and he says he wants another beso before he has to think about who will go home. Manipulative!
So that’s Luke’s only real flaw right now: He’s a kiss whore. I feel for Malissa A, because I don’t think I’d want to kiss Luke in front of the other girls. I think that Luke is a little bit drunk with the idea that all of these girls like him, and I can’t totally blame him for milking it.
Now it’s time for the elimination. The girls have to put their rings back into the bowl, and Luke will hand fifteen of the rings back out. After hearing how excited the girls were about the rings, I feel really bad that they have to take them off so soon after receiving them.
Emme announces that the girls who receive a ring will move into the mansion with Luke. Now that the girls have found this oasis, none of them are happy at the prospect of going back to their lives.
Luke tells the girls that they all look beautiful tonight. “I feel honored having had the opportunity to know you,” he says. “The future Mrs. Conley could very well be in this room tonight.” I’m glad that he realizes that the future Mrs. Conley might NOT be in this room. Luke thanks the girls for being on the show, from the bottom of his heart. (Put down the corndog, Luke!) (There really was meat-on-a-stick at this party.)
The following girls get rings (Luke asks, “Will you wear this ring?” and it sounds a little too marriage-y for the first day meeting these girls): Anna, Malissa A, Magali, Heather, Mandy, Amanda, Vanessa, Tali, Lauren (whew), Bonnie (“You scared me,” she says. “I’m sorry about that,” Luke replies, and seems to mean it), Christina, “Dani” (Danielle?), Arianne, Kristian, and (dun dun DUN) Melissa.
Why do I have the uneasy feeling that some of the least attractive girls are going home, even though Luke said that they were all beautiful in his eyes? Oh, reality TV. You’re tearing me apart.
During the ring ceremony, Danielle wondered if the pool was the best thing or a mistake. I think it was a mistake, but she made it through. I have a feeling she’s going to be a drama queen in the house, or at least stir up trouble.
“I was so nervous,” Melissa says about the ring ceremony. “My weight has been in the way of me finding love. I do think there are guys out there who will say, gosh I love that girl, and I don’t care if people look at her funny.” Sad! But also, progress for Melissa? But then she says, “I hope it’s fate that’s brought [me and Luke] together.” Eek. Melissa is adorable, but I worry that she’s going to end up with her heart broken. With her lack of experience, there’s a good chance that she’ll fall head over heels, and maybe even become a stage-5 clinger. If Luke breaks her heart, she might end up feeling even worse about herself.
Kristian says that her heart stopped when Luke said her name. She felt like she floated over to him to get her ring.
And what of the girls who didn’t get rings? Lots of tears. It was pretty much the literal version of “Joe Schmo’s” “Last Chance at Love” Trail of Tears.
Natalia felt as though this was her last-ditch attempt. Michelle cries as she interviews that she doesn’t want to be alone. She wants to have a love story. I can only hope that some nice Luke-esque guys are watching the show, and get in touch with the girls who get out.
The girl who offered to cook Luke his favorite food when she first met him is one of the girls who didn’t get a ring. She interviews that she has “so much love to give,” and that she’s going home to being alone again, and has been singe for five years. SO MUCH SADNESS.
Luke says again that he doesn’t want to hurt feelings. Everyone there has been pushed aside before and he knows how much it hurts, but he has to figure out which girl is right for him.
One really nice gesture is that Luke hugs (or handshakes) all of the eliminated girls and says goodbye to them individually. He tells each girl that it was great to meet her, and he really seems genuinely glad to have met them, and sorry about the whole rejection situation. That’s a far cry from the wordless ditchery on “Dating in the Dark”
Michelle interviews that she can tell Luke’s a good man, and wants to find a good man herself. She wants to keep her heart open, and not close herself off because of this. All the best to Michelle! I’m glad that she didn’t get too wrapped up in the Luke-ness of it all.
The remaining ladies group-hug Luke. He interviews that he’s flattered that they all want to get to know him. Aww. I really didn’t expect to like him this much. It’s funny to call this show “The Fatchelor,” but there’s a much more good-hearted vibe about this whole endeavor than the original “Bachelor” series. This is about self-esteem building (I hope), and it seems less slick.
Coming up this season—a lot of kissing (not surprised at all). Also: they have a prom? And it makes some of the girls cry?
Also: Cat-fights and bouquet beat-downs. This IS going to get sorority!
After the show ends, Roomie turns to me and says, “Haven’t any of these girls ever tried to date a guy like Luke before?” If Lukes exist, why do the girls who are Luke’s type go dateless? My initial answer was that even Luke-types often try to go for the “hot” girls, and thanks to double standards, they can often get them (see last night’s “girls choose personality/guys choose looks” discussion).
But more importantly—and I think this is really evident in tonight’s show—a lot of these girls could be dating a Luke-type, but aren’t. Some have such low confidence that they didn’t think anyone wanted to date them and kept themselves out of the pool–or they wanted to date hotter guys, and couldn’t nab them. A lot of the girls talked about liking guys who went for the skinny friend— I’m guessing Luke was one of those guys who often got dumped for the skinny friend, too, but on the man-side of sadness.
That’s part of what makes Luke such a good bachelor. We’re rooting for him to find a girl who likes him for who he is, just as much as we’re rooting for him to choose one of these girls who has “so much love to give” to a man who values her. (Although–she should be giving that love to herself, first and foremost.)
Also– us young 20-somethings are in generation Y. We’re all about not being attached, and trading up. So if you’re not the newest or the best model of any product, prepare to be replaced by the upgrade. It’s the harsh reality/mentality of our times. It’s hard to find a Luke– a person who wants some real and lasting (or at least, who claims to want those things).
So—what did we learn tonight? Self esteem is key. Both genders have it tough when it comes to dating. And—most importantly—Spanx are your friend.
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