I appreciate Taylor's skepticism. His wig, not so much.
At first, you might think that I’m veering away from the blog’s creed, delving into big-time motion-pictures. But I say nay to you–that’s right, NAY, because NEW MOON is not just a movie. It’s a cultural phenomenon. It’s all over my TV, and unless you’re under an Internet rock, you might have noticed that it’s all over the Interwebs.
Seriously, friends, TWILIGHT was a really bad music video. But we won’t be able to put it all behind us for YEARS, because there are three more movies coming out. I say we put our collective feet down RIGHT NOW and say, “If we’re going to have to deal with these movies coming out for the next five years or so, can we at least have a few moments of reprieve between each major release? Can you stop bombarding us with Exclusive Stills? And if you do show us an Exclusive Still, can it be a picture of something more exciting than two people sitting or standing? I mean, I know you’re trying to avoid SPOILER ALERTS, but everyone knows what happens in these movies because they started out as books. Werewolves. Motorcycles. Italy. Sparkles.”
Can we all just put our feet down and say that?
I don’t want to know if Kristen Stewart is really dating RPattz, or whatever the kids are calling him these days. I don’t want to know how many muscles poor young Taylor Lautner was forced to put on to become a fake-werewolf. But thank you for not making him undergo werewolf-related plastic surgery (as far as I know) (yet).
And did you hear about how Robert Pattinson was grazed by a taxi while running away from screaming fans? (Rhetorical question. Of course you did.) How many taxis have to graze Robert Pattinson before we learn our lesson? He was just minding his business, trying to be in an Indie film. (Question: How many Indie films will he have to be in before people stop calling him Edward? Answer: Give up.) RPattz wasn’t even wearing sparkles, or anything that might potentially cause a taxi driver to accidentally hit him. The fans pushed him in front of that taxi. (The fans have spoken?)
We’ve already had enough tragedy this summer. The Taco Bell Chihuahua is dead.
Yo quiero PURGE los photografias de LUNA NUEVA.
Barfing you softly with my love,
Snacky McSnackerson
PS I spelled all of those names right without Googling. Right there, proof that these kids are in the media TOO MUCH. Kristen? What is that spelling all about?
