And Your BIGGEST LOSER Couple Is…

March 31, 2010

Yeah, I met her at the gym.

You guys, I predicted that Daris would date one of the love-lorn ladies of the “Biggest Loser” ranch. BUT last week we saw him going on a (sorta) date with some girl in his hometown who was blown away by his new confidence. (Or his huge hair?)

Turns out that this season’s couple is (Samoan) Sam and (Purple) Stephanie.

So I was wrong. But I’m happy that Stephanie is happy! Now we just need to find a man for Sunshine… and a man for barfing Ashley? Does she already have a man? Would she pull a Heather-from-”More to Love” on a first date and barf over a boat railing?

Stay tuned…

xoxo…

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Snack of the Afternoon, 3/30/10: MATZO

March 30, 2010

This is my birthright.

It’s Passover, which means that every snack/meal I eat is pretty much a game of, What Would Taste Good on Matzo? Answer: almost anything.

And yes, I know I’m spelling matzo with an -o, even though it’s pronounced “matz-ah.” It’s transliteration, so I can do what I want! The key is to pick one spelling and stick with it. I spell Hanukkah like this every time, even though other people spell it Chanukah or whatever. I’m stickin’ to my guns, people! (Mazal tov to me!)

In preparing to write this story, I decided to look up the really intense list of what-not-to-eat. GUESS WHAT? Half of what I ate for lunch today is verboten. Peanuts… oops! Chickpeas… oops! (I ate hummus… but that’s so Jewish, come on!) Mustard… oops? (I rolled up some turkey and avocado with hummus and mustard, and I am NOT apologizing for it.) I also INTENDED to drink soy milk. Demerits!

But whatever. I didn’t even know about that list until college. Basically, I try not to eat bread. Or anything with yeast that had to rise. But I’m not supposed to eat pasta or rice, either? (But it might be okay if I was Sephardic?) Or beer? Or KETCHUP? Okay, I’m pretty sure I’ve never had a legit kosher Passover in my life.

But I’m okay with that. I’m not about to climb into a hot tub time machine and try to correct myself.

In short, Moses led the Jews through the desert for 40 years so that I could totally bastardize the rules of his holiday and eat matzo smeared in all the wrong shit and topped with chocolate. Oooopz.

Oh well… at least I’m trying. HAPPY PASSOVER!

xoxo…

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The Return of THE VAMPIRE DIARIES (Again)

March 25, 2010

We're ba-ack.

If you live on the East Coast, you’ve already missed the new episode of “The Vampire Diaries.” Sorry! But to be fair, if I’m your number one info source… that’s your problem.

I actually saw tonight’s episode a few weeks back, at the PaleyFest. I didn’t expect to get that sneak peek, and it was almost (almost) worth the $25 admission fee. (Just kidding… don’t sue me, PaleyFest. I had a good time!) The actors were hilarious and delightful, especially considering that they were probably jet-lagged and were on Atlanta time.

Look! I took a blurry camera phone picture from the balcony!

They're so lifelike.

I don’t really recall much of the episode or the Q&A. It was raining really hard that night, and my feet were wet. (As were my Tom’s shoes… which, this is not a shoe blog or anything, but I love my Tom’s.)

That’s all I have to say. Short and sweet. (Or not… you be the judge.)

xoxo…

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Snack of the Afternoon, 3/25/10: PLUMS

March 25, 2010

So sweet and so cold.

This is just to say… I ate plums today! I haven’t eaten a plum in a long time. I was really excited. (Don’t mistake me for a snacking saint, though– I ate chocolate and other crap-ola too. But the plums were the biggest food treat to enter my hum drum life today.)

Those lovely lilacs in the plum photo? Gifted to me (via set dec) by my friend & co-worker, Whitney. She knows that I’m all about purple. (I’m wearing purple and green today, so I’m actually camouflaged behind the flowers. Nobody can see me!)

You may recall that in my pre-2010 life, I was all about snacking on the Pringles. I would eat 2 or 3 of the hundred calorie Pringle packs a day. I can see the repercussions of my post-holidays choice to break up with the Pringles every time I open the snack cabinet.

Exhibit P.

That’s visual evidence of how my Pringles abstinence has rocked the office food chain. Now the Pringles are running wild! I call it “fatty evidence.” Fatty being a noun. As in, me. All of that would have been in my stomach!

Everything ELSE is still in my stomach, but not the Pringles. Not since December-ish.

Okay, it really needs to be Friday now.

xoxo…

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March Madness? More Like March SADNESS!

March 20, 2010

My bracket is dead.

Hey everybody. I was really enjoying March Madness. But I picked Kansas to win it all. And Kansas just lost in the second round. Oddly, I’m still tied for 17th in my office pool (out of about 76 brackets–with lots of ties). I think Kansas screwed almost everybody.

In my defense, I didn’t really know anything about any of the teams. I picked my bracket based on a few online sources, and the advice of a NCAA-savvy co-worker. (HIS bracket is still doing great… I guess that’s what you get for actually knowing the teams. Nerd.) (Sports nerd? Is that a thing? Is that an oxymoron?) (Not since the internet started.)

While watching the St. Mary’s/Villanova game this morning (that was not helpful to my bracket, either–thanks a LOT, Villanova), I became fascinated with this kid, Matthew Dellavedova (GREAT name). He’s Australian! He looks like he’s twelve! I don’t know why St. Mary’s (the GAELS, what?) has so many Australians, but I really wanted to hear them talk so I could verify their Aussie-ness. Oi!

Throw another basketball on the barbie.

Throughout this morning’s game, Matthew was adorably spazzy. My co-watchers and I could not figure out what was up with the gaping blackness in his mouth. One conjecture: “Maybe he’s missing part of his jaw? Or has fucked-up teeth?”

But at the VERY end of his game, he finally took out his mouthguard. And– OH MY DUH. It was just a black and white mouth guard. For maximum intimidation? Who knows.

Australians.

I think he also had red shoes? Oh, Matthew.

But this isn’t a sports blog. So now that I’m a little bit depressed because my top picks are falling left and right, I’ve switched over to watching “Biggest Loser” on the DVR. (Speaking of athletes, right?)

Since I last watched, Daris’ mom was eliminated. He gave a kinda creepy/romantic interview, where he said that he misses his mom because she’s the first person he sees when he wakes up and the last person he sees before he goes to sleep. Um… excuse me? Is this just a roommates-on-the-ranch thing? Or does Daris DEARLY need to move out of his parents’ house?

Um, now a bunch of men are having a spa day. And a bunch of women (and Sam) are cleaning and barfing. I missed a lot of barfing from that blonde girl (Ashley), while I was away.

Where's my barf bucket?!

Except, I didn’t MISS it. I wish I could unsee Ashley’s gag-and-barf montage. At least, I wish I hadn’t been eating while I watched it. Although… it was comical montage, overall. (Was it MEANT to be comical?)

Okay… that’s about it. I think next week is the makeover episode. Wahoo.

xoxo…

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Snack of the Afternoon, 3/19/10- SUPERMAN CUPCAKE

March 19, 2010

It's a bird, it's a plane... No, it's not.

If you’re guessing that it was somebody’s birthday today– you’re right. If you’re guessing it was Superman’s birthday– WRONG. (According to the NERDS, it’s June 30th.) Was it a small child’s birthday? Not so much. Was it a super man’s birthday? The jury is still out. (BURN!) But yeah… why am I still talking?

The little Superman logo is actually a ring. Which I am wearing as I type this. On my left ring finger. Does this mean I’m married to Superman? That I pledge allegiance to Superman? Probably not. Does it mean I’m bored at work? A little.

The cupcake was good and spongy, like a grocery store cupcake should be. I scraped off the frosting, because… STORY! (Actually because calories, but the story is my excuse.) When I was in kindergarten, some kid brought in cupcakes for his birthday (maybe they were also Superman cupcakes…), and I wolfed down a big cupcake, frosting included. (And you know grocery store cupcakes are 65% frosting. Proven scientific fact.)

And then I barfed. Which was pretty common during my childhood.

But ALSO, my mom always used to say that frosting was not meant for human consumption, and would demonstrate her point by putting clumps of frosting in water. (It doesn’t melt! It’s oil-based!) Gross. (And I pretty much scalded my hands just now, using boiling water to clean the frosting off of MY PRECIOUS… I mean, the plastic ring.)

The other day a woman was distraught because I wiped frosting off a cupcake that she frosted, so I had to tell her that whole rigamarole to make her understand that it wasn’t a personal slight. (Moral of the story: I eat too many cupcakes.)

MY PRECIOUS SNACK! (In case you didn't get it.)

Then again, I could have been referring to my PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE.

Welcome to 2010's pop culture references. (I love you, Gabby.)

No Precious pun intended, this cupcake kind of bummed me out because I bet it negated the 45 minutes I spent in the gym this morning. (I am not going to lie and call it an hour.)

Also, sorry for all the movie references. Is this a TV blog or what? (Or what?)

xoxo…

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Here’s A Snack for the St. Patrick’s Day Revelers

March 17, 2010

It's so elusive, it hides behind foliage.

For shame! I am pointing my finger at myself when I say that. Because this hasn’t exactly been a daily binge lately. More like a fortnightly binge. That’s a mouthful. (That’s what she said.) (I have to say that, to show you that I know that you know.)

I’m sitting here feeling guilty, especially because my beloved long-term ex-roommate Lauren (and that is not a euphemism for girlfriend, although we were on our way to being common-law spouses– maybe, I don’t know how laws work) just started a wonderful blog, Lauren Elise Crafted. I have been the recipient of several of her crafts, and… I’m not worthy. I mean, look at my shambles of a blog.

Anyway, enough about me. (Ha… you realize this is a blog, right?) Several months ago I was chatting with a group of newly-met people (actually, I think this was at Rachel’s birthday party, at Buffalo Wild Wings… that place was a trip), and several people spoke of the amazing and elusive Shamrock shake.

“What is this Shamrock shake you speak of?!” I exclaimed, because suddenly I was a character in an olde-timey novel. “Egads!” I was informed that it is a very special minty milkshake that’s on the McDonald’s menu for an unspecified amount of time, generally in March (oh yeah, happy St. Patrick’s Day… it’s not really a huge deal here– don’t move to LA if you can’t handle the St. Patrick’s Day truth… move to Chicago).

So… the Shamrock shake is the liquid version of the McRib? I don’t know what’s up with McDonald’s. Give the people what they want! (They don’t want you to get too comfortable, thinking you know what you can find on their menu.)

The bottom line is, people really love this shake. There is even a Find the Shake website, where people can report sightings. This is the Bigfoot/yeti of milkshakes. I am intrigued by the cult status of this shake (and I can’t believe I didn’t hear about it sooner), though honestly I’m not really interested in finding/drinking one. Similarly, I am not interested in meeting Bigfoot. I saw HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS. I know what happens when you try to integrate an elusive and/or mythical creature into your family. Grab a tissue, it’s a sad story.

But the Shamrock shake just wants to integrate into your stomach. And maybe turn your tongue green? I need to send an operative into the field. (Or just leave a comment– please wax as poetic as possible.)

xoxo…

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Snack of the Afternoon, 3/1/10: TRADER JOE’S CRUNCHY CURLS

March 1, 2010

Feast your eyes. (Have I used that before?)

Did everybody have a good weekend? Can we agree that it was a good weekend? No? Well, can we agree that February is over? Well, I don’t care if you disagree on this one. You’re wrong.

You may recall that I enjoy curly, potato-based foods. These snacks are crunchy, vegan, gluten free, made of potatoes and lentils, and not greasy. So… win-win.

They’d probably be great with a bit of ketchup, but that’s my blanket opinion when it comes to potato-related foodstuffs. I’ll refrain from applying ketchup here at work. Don’t want to gross anybody out. Not on a Monday.

I have nothing more to say. They’re good. They don’t make me feel sick. (Glowing endorsement.) Check them out. I’m not a freakin’ food writer. (I’m really shooting myself in the foot here, considering that half of this blog is about food.)

Also, your experience will be enhanced if you eat crunchy curls (or anything) while listening to Mother Mother’s “O My Heart.” But I’m not going to pontificate, because I’m not a freakin’ music reviewer either.

xoxo…

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