Ceci n’est pas une pancake.

July 30, 2010

This photo will make you fat.

Today lunch was on the Benevolent Boss-Man (B^3), so I eschewed my usual oatmeal or PB & banana and ordered a real-life salad. Sounds boring, but I’d already had my bagel of dreams.

We ordered from Larchmont Bungalow, which, according to a recent email I received from Living Social, is famed for its red velvet pancakes. So B^3, in his benevolence, ordered the red velvet pancakes and shared them with everyone. (What a mensch.) (I’m serious.)

But… you guys, they weren’t really pancakes. They were just… cake-cakes. As B^3′s asst quipped, “Well… maybe they were COOKED in a pan.” Like, the word “pancake” must have been a technicality.

Also, I totally took my two bites with the community fork. So I mingled germs with some amazing writers. I hope their skill is contagious.

Anyway, I’m kind of zoned right now and don’t want to get into the promised “red velvet identity crisis” post, because it involves several more pictures and links and some actual storytelling and life-musing. But for now I’ll say… these pancakes are having an identity crisis.

I did some searching and found an image of ACTUAL red velvet pancakes. So they DO exist.

Yes, you are pancakes. Congrats.

But you know what I’d like better? PUMPKIN pancakes. I had them once at iHop, from their seasonal menu. I am pretty sure I’m never going to have a crisis about whether I like pumpkin-flavored desserts. Pumpkin is FOR REAL, FOREVER. I have that tattooed on my ass. (Not.)

This is someone's real tattoo.

You need to visit the website where that picture is from, just to see the quote, “Kimmy wears this one in a special place.” (My guess: Her ass.)

I don’t think my dad would appreciate a tattoo tribute, since he is in the tattoo removal game.

Wait, how did I get here from a Magritte-inspired post about red velvet pancakes?

I ask that as if the majority of my posts aren’t equally random.

Not sure when I’ll post again (ten minutes from now?), but I’ll try to take a picture of tomorrow’s Baskin Robbins “bon voyage to Brent” ice cream cake, to keep the cake posts going (no hangout with Brent is complete without a BR cake… we risked our lives once to obtain one– I’ll tell that story when I post the pic).

Oh– Since this blog is suddenly The Daily Cake-Binge, maybe I’ll also write a post about the “cake diet.” Hopefully I’m on the cake diet right now.

(Basically, Whit and I went through the phase where we ate cake way too often, but ended up losing weight because we were only really eating cake, and we were too busy/conscious of eating too much cake to eat much of anything else… or something like that. It was during college. Who remembers college?)

Well, that pretty much sums up the cake diet. Didn’t really need a whole post for it, after all.

xoxo…

THIS moi!

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Snack of the Afternoon, 7/30/10: TRADER JOE’S LITE KETTLE CORN

July 30, 2010

I am eating this RIGHT NOW. As I type.

My blog is being a bit wonky right now (it locked me out for a few minutes), so I decided to blog a short and LEGIT snack of the afternoon (no crazy poisons, no bubblegum). Testing, 123. Don’t delete yourself, post.

I have a little stash of snacks I bought from home in my desk drawer, including Orville Redenbacher 100 calorie packs of kettle korn (yes, they spell it with a K) and popcorn. But I feel kinda bad about microwaving the bags, thus causing the office to smell deliciously popcorn-y (or hideously I-burned-the-popcorn-y… luckily that was only once, and there was only one other person around).

I saw these bags of kettle corn and thought… decadent! So weeks went by, and I didn’t eat them. But then I saw that someone had written “light kettle corn” on the grocery list, and upon inspection… it IS light. (Er… “lite.” Food spellings…. blargh.) Not so decadent, after all! And not at all smelly-up-the-office-y.

It’s actually less popcorn than the Redenbacher for more calories, but I think it’s worth the trade-off. The kettle corn taste is a little more… kettle corn-y. A little more of the sweetness.

Also, who can resist the man on the package? He’s obviously some sort of huckster. He’s the Music Man of kettle corn. I’m sold. And I will also buy a sousaphone. And a monorail. (Thanks, Conan.)

Oh man, not only is my blog being weird, but my laptop is being all slow and jet-plane sounding and rainbow beach ball of death-y. (Mac people know what I’m talking about.)

Okay, done with the kettle corn. Out of sight, out of mind. Out of kettle corn, out of… talking about kettle corn.

xoxo…

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TGIF: Bagels, Lox, and a Random Act of 30 ROCK

July 30, 2010

The weekend is coming! The weekend is coming!

I am having one of those months where my weekends are crazier than my weekdays. This weekend is going to include whale watching, ice cream cake, and a visit to a psychic. You know… normal things. But… who needs to relax? I’ll relax when I die… of exhaustion, because I never relaxed.

Or of a cake overdose, because even as I write this, I am being offered cake. I think I might need to whip up a separate blog post, because… wow. You’ll see. I think I should send the universe a telegram: Enough with the cake! (Although… I’m still down for ice cream cake this weekend. And birthday cake, in a month… oh God.)

Anyway, random “30 Rock” moment. So, I found this mug in our kitchen mug collection. I don’t know if it’s from the building or someone in my office. I don’t know if it’s something that was given to “30 Rock” employees, or if it came from the NBC gift shop. but it kind of made my morning when I came across it, because Liz Lemon is my doppelganger.

THIS moi!

I feel as though this mug is my friend now. Like, if I am having a bad day, I am going to visit it. And if it shatters… I will throw it a mug funeral. Because I tend to anthropomorphize inanimate objects… and ALSO I tend to shatter ceramic dishware. UH OH.

And because it’s Friday and Friday is bagel day at the office and good bagels are the double rainbow of my life, here is a picture of my breakfast. You will probably only be jealous if you like lox and tomatoes and don’t live in NYC, because people in NYC are bagel snobs. But I’m from LA, and I am an LA version of a bagel snob, and I give Noah’s my stamp of approval.

The tomatoes are camera hogs.

And THEN we ordered lunch, and with lunch came a cake-y monstrosity that I am going to blog about NEXT, and it’s going to be part of this red velvet identity crisis post that I’ve been teasing for so long that it’s not going to live up to any of your expectant expectations. (As if you were really holding your breath.)

And for the record, I haven’t cried once today.

xoxo…

THIS moi!

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The Attack of the Chocolate Burger

July 29, 2010

Can you see it lurking, ready to destroy us?

Last night I went to Tender Greens with Whit and Brent, and we were feeling festive because Brent is moving to NYC in a matter of days. Running out of time! So we got a bottle of wine (Gruner… of Austria). (We were on our way to a long movie, and the extra liquids in my bladder would prove near-fatal.)

As we approached the registers, we came upon the desserts. “Is that a chocolate BURGER?” Brent asked. Then: “We have to get one.”

Once the universe starts handing you cake, it just doesn’t let up.

Soon everybody around us (including the people who worked there) were abuzz about the “chocolate burger,” because it is such a hilarious concept. (The girl at the cash register told me that it’s actually called a whoopie pie… we’ve spoken of whoopie pies before.) (And whoopie pie is still a more ridiculous name than chocolate burger.)

I mean, it really did look like a burger.

You be the judge.

It’s two round fluffy cakes with frosting in the middle… the cake version of a macaron.

And THEN as we walked to our table, buzzing about our chocolate burger, we caught the attention of the table next door.

“How’d you manage THAT?” a woman asked. “A bottle of wine!”

“Uh… we bought it?” I said, with maybe a bit of I’m-hungry snark in my voice. Then I realized that the woman was Famous Actress Jennifer Coolidge. Ooops.

We didn’t actually acknowledge that we knew her, so I think she thought we were unawares. She told us that her table of three had eaten FOUR desserts, including the chocolate burger (we had a respectable two desserts– also bought some blueberry cobbler bar thing). She also took a picture of us with our food, because we probably seemed like tourists.

So any actress who eats lots of desserts and is willing to take pictures of idiots with their food is a-okay in my book.

Later, when I recounted this to my mom, she said, “Oh… the ‘bend & snap’ lady?” That hadn’t occurred to me at the time. But yes. Awesome.

I'll bend and snap for cake.

Oh yeah, and the other day I was late for a dinner with some friends (including Brent) and missed seeing JANE LYNCH. That would have been more blog-appropriate. I apologize to everyone.

xoxo…

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JERSEY SHORE SEASON 2 Starts Tonight!

July 29, 2010

Gorillas in the surf.

I feel a little bit guilty that I’m posting a reminder that Season 2 of “Jersey Shore” starts tonight, and I didn’t post when “Mad Men” started up a few days ago. My TV priorities are screwed up!

But here’s the thing: Everybody KNEW that “Mad Men” was premiering last Sunday. I have my DVD set to “always record new episodes” for “Mad Men.” I honestly didn’t realize that “Jersey Shore” was back tonight. I don’t know what my DVR status is with “Jersey Shore.” I’m guessing other people out there might be in my metaphorical boat.

So I’m doing a public service.

Or maybe the opposite of a public service.

And if you need to catch up, Gawker has your back.

xoxo…

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COMIC-CON: Pretzel Win

July 29, 2010

Totally normal.

You may recall that my one wish for Comic-Con was the presence of soft pretzels.

Well, these little vendors were EVERYWHERE. They were one of the few available food-options inside the convention center. It was like… do you want a pretzel, or a pretzel DOG? So many options.

A sight for hungry eyes.

As soon as I saw this, I knew the whole day was going to be a big success. (Would have been bigger if they were Super Pretzels, but what can you do?)

But since this is a blog about snacks and TV, and I have been leaning heavily on the food side, I guess I owe you some TV-related pics.

First of all, for the “Yo Gabba Gabba” enthusiasts in the house… it’s DJ Lance! (My brain wants to call him DJ Lance Bass, but that’s a whole different demographic.)

The coolest guy in the room.

The next picture features some people from “The Event.” A bunch of “The Event” people were on my train, and I tried to follow them to the convention center but ended up following them in the opposite direction, where they were all whisked into vans. So… that was an event in itself. And I stood very close to Jason Ritter.

Jason Ritter: (Not a total) stranger on my train.

Also, Blair Underwood was the president. And he was Cuban. Twist!

And of course, some “Vampire Diaries” love.

Vampirinos.

Yeah, I take pictures of pictures on screens. That’s how I roll.

Oh, and for fans of Bad Robot (JJ Abrams)… I thought this little guy was adorable.

Baaad robot!

He’s holding a little drink! And I don’t know what’s up with the missing letters on the display box.

Um, what else? Oh, I was very fascinated with the steampunks. I didn’t take this picture (thanks, Google images), but it’s a good example of the genre.

Dig the 'stache on the Brit-in-India guy.

The women I saw at Comic-Con were more of the petticoat-wearing variety, but you get the idea. I can’t figure out if they’re from the future-past or the past-future, or why they need golden teakettles in their rucksacks, or… well, I don’t understand a lot. But if you saw “Wild Wild West” or “Sherlock Holmes” (which I didn’t see but from the trailers it LOOKED totally steampunk), you probably know what I’m talking about. It’s like… what if the people in the 1800s had had high-tech shit made with lo-fi shit? And dirigibles made mostly of really weighty metals? Kind of like old-school pirates in outer space? I don’t know, like I said… confusing.

There were tons of swag bags with pictures of the Mythbusters cast on them, and I decided that the goatee/glasses/beret/puffy shirt guy must be a modern-day steampunker. It kind of makes sense, if he’s good with gadgets. Also– is he twins with the other glasses guy?

Is he from the future-past, or the past-future?

But I digress. And digress and digress.

I am going to categorize this under Snack Trek, as if I took the train 3 hours each way to eat a pretzel that was heated in a microwave upon ordering it. Like, they were very obvious with their microwave. “Just a sec, gotta pop it in the microwave.” That’s fine dining.

Later I will post more pictures of cake.

Not that you care. And really– you shouldn’t. I’m losing interest as I type.

xoxo…

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The Universe Gave Me Cake (and a Chicken Tarna Wrap)

July 28, 2010

The frosting rose is a nice touch.

Last night my Tall Texan Twin and I had a late dinner at Home Restaurant. (We both ordered breakfast… so maybe it was a really early breakfast.) I was using a Living Social coupon and had to hit $30, so we ordered apple pie. But our waiter was like, no way Jose, and brought us red velvet cake instead. (My theory is that the kitchen was closed…?)

So when life hands you red velvet cake, and you recently blogged about wanting cake, and have yet to finally post the blog about the red velvet identity crisis (in short: not sure if I like it anymore)… you accept the cake. Always say yes to the cake.

Obey the cake.

Okay, before I could post this I got really busy with work, and lunchtime was approaching and I thought to myself– If only we were ordering from Zankou today. That would be something. But we were not.

And THEN my boss came out and said, Would you mind going to Zankou for me? And I said, Not at ALL! So I GOT my Zankou wish.

Ask and ye shall receive. I’m not going to call it a miracle because I was not praying. (Seriously, there are ACTUAL starving people out there who need some divine intervention.) But the universe is all about serving up my food wants as of late.

The universe is trying to make me fat.

xoxo…

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Snack of the Afternoon, 7/27/10: BUBBALOO

July 27, 2010

Who can resist a burstin' liquid center?

I found this in the candy dish in the bathroom where I work. I thought it was kind of ridiculous (and is the name a tribute to Ricky Ricardo?), so of course I took it, saved it all day, and am chewing it now. It’s not a legit snack. Just gum. And it’s starting to taste really strange. Like chemicals.

Let us examine the fine print.

Why is it the color of flesh?!

Made in Colombia. That explains why it tastes like cocaine. (Kidding!)

One of the ingredients is “invert sugar.” Isn’t Splenda inverted sugar? But seriously– what is invert sugar? Sounds like a madcap science experiment gone wrong. In Colombia.

OMG you guys, invert sugar is cocaine.

Also, what is BHT for freshness? Is this flesh-colored candy made of poison? Why did I put it in my mouth and allow its creepy liquid to burst therein? (That’s what she said, intentional x 1,000,000.)

[After I posted this, I looked up BHT... it's also used in EMBALMING FLUID. I... no words, just yuck.] [I mean... to be fair, almost everything we eat is made of poison. So I'm just... on the American bandwagon.]

And furthermore, why is my mouth going numb? (Kidding!) (But scared…)

Moral of the story… don’t eat sketch candy that you found in the bathroom.

Leave that to me.

xoxo…

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Happy Bloggiversary to Me

July 26, 2010

They grow up so fast.

I am such a guy right now. I tried and tried to remember to do a post on July 21st to commemorate the one-year anniversary of The Daily Binge, but then… I forgot.

But hey… not too shabby, to keep a blog running for a year. Obviously the deluge of posts has ebbed considerably, but at least it’s a somewhat steady trickle.

Wow, sorry. Attack of the vocabulary words.

Anyway, go eat some cake and think of me. Or send me some cake. Some ice cream cake. Teleport it. (Yeah, I still haven’t invented a food teleportation device… obviously an unproductive year.)

xoxo…

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Comic-Con, Take Me Away

July 23, 2010

Day-trippin'.

Guess who’s going to Comic-Con for the first time tomorrow?

Guess who’s feeling a little bit apprehensive about going to Comic-Con?

I applied for a pass through my job, but I didn’t realize I got approved until yesterday. I had already decided not to go, because I heard insane stories about traffic. But with the pass in my hand (it said my name, followed by “Professional”– imagine that!), I had a change of heart. And I remembered about the train.

My friend warned me that even the train can be incredibly backed up by Comic-Con madness. But as long as I don’t have to drive, or find parking, or find a place to sleep (I’m not staying overnight)–I think I’ll be okay. I’m bringing as much reading material as I can stand to lug around with me. And snacks. (DUH.)

Sadly, the train schedule won’t exactly allow me to party down (my train heads back to LA around 8pm). But for the 8ish hours I spend in San Diego, I’m hoping to run into many friends, co-workers, and people in insane costumes. And I’m hoping to survive the clusterfuckery. Basically, I’m hoping to make it to San Diego and back in time to sleep in my own bed tomorrow night.

So hopefully I return to you with some pictures of TV-related goodness. Or at least some snacky goodness.

Superheroes? Yeah, they’re okay. But I’m really hoping they have Super Pretzels.

xoxo…

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