JERSEY SHORE SEASON 2 Starts Tonight!

July 29, 2010

Gorillas in the surf.

I feel a little bit guilty that I’m posting a reminder that Season 2 of “Jersey Shore” starts tonight, and I didn’t post when “Mad Men” started up a few days ago. My TV priorities are screwed up!

But here’s the thing: Everybody KNEW that “Mad Men” was premiering last Sunday. I have my DVD set to “always record new episodes” for “Mad Men.” I honestly didn’t realize that “Jersey Shore” was back tonight. I don’t know what my DVR status is with “Jersey Shore.” I’m guessing other people out there might be in my metaphorical boat.

So I’m doing a public service.

Or maybe the opposite of a public service.

And if you need to catch up, Gawker has your back.

xoxo…

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Macaroon Morning Moment

July 17, 2010

Pretty in pink.

Happy Saturday, everybody!

My weekend is going to be a feat of engineering, schedule-wise. I have booked myself into plans all over this great city, back to back. It’s going to start with yoga in a few hours and end with a Swell Season/She and Him/Bird & the Bee concert on Sunday night. And in between all that… madness. Traffic. Laughs. Hopefully, good times. (Swell times? Hahaha?)

And on Monday morning when people ask me what I did, I will sincerely make a very confused face and say, “I don’t remember.” For some reason the words, “What did you do this weekend?” always throw me off, and I draw a blank. Because you have about a one second window to say something before the other person stops caring (if they cared to begin with), and that creates a vortex of pressure that my poor brain cannot handle.

I should probably plan for this and plot out my response before I get to work, but… I never do. So people generally think that I did nothing, or my weekend was SO crazy that I can’t remember it. Like, it must have been a non-stop drug-fueled orgy.

That’s never the case.

But I do have some food porn to share with you. (Or just go straight to the Paulette website.)

Anyway, that’s not why I’m here. I wanted to take a moment to show you a delightful vision. A feast for your eyes!

But first, a little story.

Until very very recently, if you told me that you loved macaroons, I would have thought you were a crazy person. Because, to a little Jewish girl from the suburbs, this is a macaroon:

Yuck.

Basically, it’s a shitty Passover dessert that we eat because all of the good desserts are forbidden. Passover macaroons are kind of chewy and waxy and usually seem to have coconut shreds in them. (I’m not a fan.)

BUT when I was at my former job, one day I walked into the kitchen and saw a box of some strange delightful little cookie-puff thing, and I was told that they were… French macaroons. (I maybe have written about them here. Much like my weekends… I don’t remember.) Ooh la la.

I believe that they were from Paulette, which actually spells it “macaron,” but most people I know (…Americans) seem to pronounce them the same.

Anyway, this morning I stumbled upon the Paulette website and was blown away by the color and adorability of these macarons. They are the awww-dorable little babies of desserts. They are the Anne Geddes babies of dessert photography. (Okay, not sure if that sentence made any sense.)

Cute... or creepy? Definitely pink.

Okay, sorry about that.

Now I will cleanse your palate with a Double Rainbow‘s worth of colorful macarons.

Don't try this at home.

And they’re so light and melt-in-your-mouth, with that sweet layer of gooey creamy whatever goodness in the middle. (I know, I know: That’s what she said. But it’s hard!) (That’s also what she said.)

Don’t we all aspire to be described in those terms? Sweet, beautiful, delicious, easy to love?

How did I live 20+ years without knowing about the GOOD macaroons? I thought I disliked macaroons, but I hadn’t met the RIGHT macaroons. (This is starting to sound like a romantic comedy.) (Starring my tastebuds.)

Now I’m going to sit and wait for the macaron hate-mail to roll in. (Or the Anne Geddes hate mail.) (Or the Passover macaroon love mail.)

Oh wait, no I’m not. I have a very busy weekend to attend to!

xoxo…

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There’s No Place Like SYTYCD

July 15, 2010

L to R: Robert, Kent, Lauren, Billy.

I didn’t plan on turning WIZARD OF OZ moments in reality shows into a feature on this blog, but I had to do another post after last night’s “So You Think You Can Dance.”

Lauren and Billy did a Mandy Moore (no, not THAT Mandy Moore) jazz routine that involved sparkly shoes.

Nigel (to Lauren): “Don’t go clickin’ your heels three times, Sweetheart, ’cause you ain’t going home yet.”

No click zone.

Aside to Dorothy: Who wears blue socks with heels? Seriously? Do we need to get the Sassy Gay Friend up in here?

Since injured Ashley had to sit out last night’s performance show, the picture at the top of this post is a pretty good reflection of the boy-to-girl ratio. If Ashley has to bow out or gets sent home tonight, Lauren will be the last girl standing. This is one of the hazards of the all-star format, I guess. But I have to say, I’ve really enjoyed the boy-on-boy routines.

It would be nice to have some female duets… but with so many male all-stars, looks like Lauren’s stuck in boy-town for a while. Not the worst place to be stuck. I’m a little bit jealous.

Maybe if I click my heels, I can go to there? I want to go to there!

xoxo…

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Oh Brother: BIG BROTHER’s Wizard of Oz Moment

July 9, 2010

Shit is about to get real.

So I remembered to check out “Big Brother” last night. Well… I remembered about 20 minutes after it started, but I don’t think I missed much. (Just the intros… sigh.)

I got there in time for the challenge, which involved the contestants flinging themselves onto giant fake hot dogs and riding them through the air.

Yes.

And sadly, I cannot find a picture of this challenge on my Google images.

My favorite part was when valiant Brendon (yes, with an O) jumped onto a wiener to try to secure it for the girls (something to do with removing his shirt). Somehow the teammate controlling the movement of the wiener (ha) didn’t understand that Brendon didn’t want to go to the other side (maybe that teammate is the saboteur?), and Brendon flew far, far away. “No!” he yelled. But it was futile. (Also: He could have jumped off. Maybe he’s the saboteur.)

You guys, it was exactly like the scene in “The Wizard of Oz” when the Wizard is about to take Dorothy home to Kansas, but Toto gets out of the basket and Dorothy jumps out to retrieve him, and the balloon’s tethers get cut and the Wizard drifts away. “No!” he yells. But it’s futile! Like, Brendon was equally dramatic about it. Even though he was not playing an over-the-top role in a movie.

I wondered if anybody else had a Wizard of Oz-flashback, or if it was just me. I watched that movie about a million times when I was a kid. (On a VHS recorded from my TV! Olden times!) (There was a laundry detergent commercial at the beginning, with a child in the most adorable Cowardly Lion costume. If you remember that, too… we need to talk.)

My favorite character was the Scarecrow, because he was totally handsome and loyal. But because I was too young to have a crush on him… I decided that I wanted to BE him?

Me, c. 1990. Dressed as the Scarecrow FTW.

I don’t usually post pictures of myself on the blog, but that’s an oldie. (Strangely, though, I look exactly the same.) (Minus the Scarecrow costume… I swear.)

You guys, I thought I WAS the Scarecrow. In preschool I used to dictate crazy stories from the Scarecrow’s POV. One of them involved eating my own limbs. You know, normal stuff. Adorable kid things.

But I digress. Back to “Big Brother.”

Come to think of it– there is an Oz-ian quality to the “Big Brother” house. The contestants are all transported to a strange land, governed by the rules of a remote, eccentric Wizard. (Julie Chen? The producers?) And the saboteur is the Wicked Witch. She locked up their food!

Another good moment was when the redhead fretted about the prospect of getting into a “showmance” with the saboteur. A- It’s hilarious that on this show, people have no illusions about a relationship lasting beyond the airdate. B- Who cares if you screw the saboteur? If anything, that’ll put you in his (or her) good graces… unless the sex is really bad.

There was also a really funny quote from one of the blondes about getting screwed over by a big wiener, but I didn’t write it down. Sorry!

Also: Didn’t realize that this show airs multiple days per week. I don’t know if I can slot it into my Sundays. Especially with “Mad Men” returning so soon! I saw a season 4 teaser trailer today, and there is so much nudity-from-behind. Way to get around the censors, AMC/Matt Weiner!

(PS Didn’t know until I spell-checked this post that the Jewish last name was spelled differently than the meat. Weiner/wiener. Add that to your book of knowledge.) (I guess this justifies all of the Weiners saying it’s pronounced WHY-ner, not WEE-ner.) (And if you pronounce it correctly, sounds like I’m calling them “whiners.” I can’t win!)

xoxo…

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Vampire Weekend

July 4, 2010

I gotta, say, you guys… I saw “Eclipse” last night, and I’m just not feeling the Twilight vampires anymore. I’m about to watch the Founder’s Day episode of “The Vampire Diaries,” just to cleanse my palate.

This seems sufficiently patriotic for my July 4th.

Looking forward to hearing one of my favorite Damon lines from Season 1: “I’m a vampire. What’s your excuse?” (Yes, I have a lot of lines from Season 1 memorized… stop looking at me like that. I’m not crazy!) (I’m a vampire. What’s your excuse?)

Sorry, Twilight vamps. I’m sure you’re crying all the way to the bank.

xoxo…

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Justin Timberlake GLEE Cameo: Just Call Me Psychic

June 17, 2010

Don't worry. I got this.

Back in September of 2009, I wrote a post declaring that Justin Timberlake ought to guest star on “Glee” as Mr. Schue’s brother, citing their uncanny resemblance.

By January, JT himself was making the same declarations.

Boys and girls, the dream may soon become a reality. Apparently, Justin is in talks to play Mr. Schue’s younger brother.

Did I nail this one or what?

And I’m so gracious, I’m not even going to ask for a dime. This being my idea and all.

Are we excited? Is Justin going to sing one of his own songs, all self-referential and winky-like?

I still think that vampire Paul Wesley also bears a resemblance to Matthew Morrison’s Mr. Schue, but seeing as how he’s all tied up playing a vampire and isn’t an international pop sensation, I’m not going to hold my breath waiting for THAT cameo to happen.

xoxo…

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TRUE BLOOD PREMIERES TONIGHT!

June 13, 2010

I know this is from Season 1, but it's new to me and I think it's hilarious.

Obviously I am the most negligent blogger ever. (And why is the word “negligent” so close to “neglige?” Is it because when you’re in a neglige, you’re neglecting to wear clothes?) And I’m SURE you know that “True Blood” Season 3 premieres tonight. But I wanted to give it a shoutout, because… remember my Season 2 recaps?

Each recap took me 8+ hours. Like seriously, I would vamp out and stay up all night after, writing furiously (and delightedly). That is probably not going to happen this season, because… just because. This blog isn’t my day job. And reading it isn’t YOUR day job. (I tried to pay people to read it. Didn’t work.) So that’s that.

But I’m going to try to write the occasional blurb about the shows that were blog-staples last summer (True Blood, Mad Men, So You Think You Can Dance…), because… ah, sweet memories.

I just don’t see myself doing the full-on recaps anymore. First of all… I’m saner now. Right? And watching each episode with a recap in mind kinda sucked the life out of me/the fun of watching… sorta like a vampire sucks on a neck. APPROPRIATE.

But yeah, I’ll be watching. And I’ll hopefully be writing. Just the highlights. Or maybe I’ll live-Tweet? Or maybe… none of the above! Keeping you on your feet.

OH, AND tonight is the Tony’s. And someone I KNOW is actually NOMINATED. How cool is that? So I’ll be watching that with bells on. And my fingers and toes crossed. Metaphorically.

xoxo…

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And Your BIGGEST LOSER Couple Is…

March 31, 2010

Yeah, I met her at the gym.

You guys, I predicted that Daris would date one of the love-lorn ladies of the “Biggest Loser” ranch. BUT last week we saw him going on a (sorta) date with some girl in his hometown who was blown away by his new confidence. (Or his huge hair?)

Turns out that this season’s couple is (Samoan) Sam and (Purple) Stephanie.

So I was wrong. But I’m happy that Stephanie is happy! Now we just need to find a man for Sunshine… and a man for barfing Ashley? Does she already have a man? Would she pull a Heather-from-”More to Love” on a first date and barf over a boat railing?

Stay tuned…

xoxo…

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The Return of THE VAMPIRE DIARIES (Again)

March 25, 2010

We're ba-ack.

If you live on the East Coast, you’ve already missed the new episode of “The Vampire Diaries.” Sorry! But to be fair, if I’m your number one info source… that’s your problem.

I actually saw tonight’s episode a few weeks back, at the PaleyFest. I didn’t expect to get that sneak peek, and it was almost (almost) worth the $25 admission fee. (Just kidding… don’t sue me, PaleyFest. I had a good time!) The actors were hilarious and delightful, especially considering that they were probably jet-lagged and were on Atlanta time.

Look! I took a blurry camera phone picture from the balcony!

They're so lifelike.

I don’t really recall much of the episode or the Q&A. It was raining really hard that night, and my feet were wet. (As were my Tom’s shoes… which, this is not a shoe blog or anything, but I love my Tom’s.)

That’s all I have to say. Short and sweet. (Or not… you be the judge.)

xoxo…

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March Madness? More Like March SADNESS!

March 20, 2010

My bracket is dead.

Hey everybody. I was really enjoying March Madness. But I picked Kansas to win it all. And Kansas just lost in the second round. Oddly, I’m still tied for 17th in my office pool (out of about 76 brackets–with lots of ties). I think Kansas screwed almost everybody.

In my defense, I didn’t really know anything about any of the teams. I picked my bracket based on a few online sources, and the advice of a NCAA-savvy co-worker. (HIS bracket is still doing great… I guess that’s what you get for actually knowing the teams. Nerd.) (Sports nerd? Is that a thing? Is that an oxymoron?) (Not since the internet started.)

While watching the St. Mary’s/Villanova game this morning (that was not helpful to my bracket, either–thanks a LOT, Villanova), I became fascinated with this kid, Matthew Dellavedova (GREAT name). He’s Australian! He looks like he’s twelve! I don’t know why St. Mary’s (the GAELS, what?) has so many Australians, but I really wanted to hear them talk so I could verify their Aussie-ness. Oi!

Throw another basketball on the barbie.

Throughout this morning’s game, Matthew was adorably spazzy. My co-watchers and I could not figure out what was up with the gaping blackness in his mouth. One conjecture: “Maybe he’s missing part of his jaw? Or has fucked-up teeth?”

But at the VERY end of his game, he finally took out his mouthguard. And– OH MY DUH. It was just a black and white mouth guard. For maximum intimidation? Who knows.

Australians.

I think he also had red shoes? Oh, Matthew.

But this isn’t a sports blog. So now that I’m a little bit depressed because my top picks are falling left and right, I’ve switched over to watching “Biggest Loser” on the DVR. (Speaking of athletes, right?)

Since I last watched, Daris’ mom was eliminated. He gave a kinda creepy/romantic interview, where he said that he misses his mom because she’s the first person he sees when he wakes up and the last person he sees before he goes to sleep. Um… excuse me? Is this just a roommates-on-the-ranch thing? Or does Daris DEARLY need to move out of his parents’ house?

Um, now a bunch of men are having a spa day. And a bunch of women (and Sam) are cleaning and barfing. I missed a lot of barfing from that blonde girl (Ashley), while I was away.

Where's my barf bucket?!

Except, I didn’t MISS it. I wish I could unsee Ashley’s gag-and-barf montage. At least, I wish I hadn’t been eating while I watched it. Although… it was comical montage, overall. (Was it MEANT to be comical?)

Okay… that’s about it. I think next week is the makeover episode. Wahoo.

xoxo…

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