Tasty TV Morsel: Zach Galifianakis on THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH CONAN O’BRIEN

July 25, 2009
Zach is sitting pretty, while Conan looks "strangely intense."

Zach is sitting pretty, while Conan looks "strangely intense."

(Do you like the screengrab? I grabbed it myself! This is a really exciting step for the blog.)

I love Conan O’Brien. I love Zach Galifianakis. (I am actually considering seeing G FORCE. Bad life choices, but we all do stupid things for love. DATING IN THE DARK!) (On second thought, I have HBO. I can wait.) When I heard yesterday that Zach was on Conan… no brainer. “I gotta set the DVR,” I told my roommate. “We’re gonna have a good time tonight!” She just moved in with me last week, but already I know that she’s going to be in my wolfpack.

Also, can anyone confirm that roofalin is not the real scientific term for roofies? I learned in school that “roofie” is slang for Rohypnol, and Wikipedia agrees. Is Rohypnol trademarked? Did the writers change it to roofalin just to (spoiler alert) foreshadow the whole roof thing? And because roofalin sounds sillier? Or did somebody really think that “roofie” is short for roofalin? Because if you google “roofalin,” all of the results are about THE HANGOVER. Somebody’s playing a joke on somebody. Or something involving a legal department happened. Maybe.

Anyway, the point of this post is KUDOS to whoever is styling Zachie G (that’s what the kids are calling him now). (No it’s not.) He looks really great with the trimmed beard (did he dye his hair/beard darker?), and the blue blazer really brought out his eyes (although this picture is not the best illustration). He was a rumpled wild card in THE HANGOVER, but the “real” Zach (which, knowing him, who really knows?) seems to be a polite, thoughtful North Carolinian. And handsome. A fox, even. (Uh oh fox, watch out for that wolfpack.)

Also, great shoes. Maybe Zach is styling himself. Whoever is responsible, A+. (Although–and this could be my TV screen–but I’m not entirely sure what’s going on in the eyebrow department.) Knowing “Hollywood,” you were probably at the top of your class, Mr. or Ms. Stylist. In medical school. At NYU. But that was just for kicks. And now you pick out kicks for actors. (“Kicks” is what the kids are calling shoes these days. And also, drugs.) And it’s probable that you make a lot more money picking out Zach’s clothes than you would have made as a pediatrician. (Good life choices? Strange Hollywood truths?) (PS I am obviously goofing, because I’m an aspiring writer. Worst life choices. Wait… maybe I’m just a writer now. Is this a blog, or an aspiring blog? You tell me, I’m confused.)

I was laughing at the part about Zach’s mom not loving the content of THE HANGOVER on first viewing, because… well, I just hope my mom doesn’t read my True Blood recaps. Mothers, don’t let your children grow up to say vulgar things in front of an audience.

I really wish that I didn’t care so much about whether or not I might be offending people. I am so averse to creating controversy. Notice all the apologies? I need to rip a page out of Zach’s book. And when he says, “Hey, why’d you do that? I was reading that page.” I’ll say, “Did I offend you? Was that controversial? Oh wait, I don’t care.” (But I will. I’ll go home and cry.) (Just kidding.) (Am I?) (I would give the page back.) (After I wiped my tears with it.)

Funny to see Zach being interviewed, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I’m used to watching him interview people on “Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis.” It’s pretty much the opposite of the Tonight Show. Secondly, the last time I watched him being interviewed, he was playing his “twin brother, Seth.” I don’t know how I stumble across this stuff and end up spending an afternoon watching it, but that’s my life. I was actually kind of confused about whether Seth was real, until I found the interview’s blooper reel.

I find “Seth” fascinating because A) he has no beard (commitment!) and B) he doesn’t think that Zach is funny, or understand his act. Seth is a commentary on Zach’s comedy, as told by Zach playing Seth. I love it.

Zach is a great guest on late-night shows. I love this Jimmy Kimmel appearance. (He looks pretty stylish there, too, especially in the “Kids…” clip)

The moral of the story is that Zach Galifianakis is enigmatic and a little bit dangerous and seems to live a double life on all sorts of levels. I’m really interested in performers who create personas (I’m kind of knee-deep in it this week, myself), and I read a great New York Times article that went into all sorts of detail about his life and his act. What stuck with me the most after reading the article was the description of his delicate hands (I have tiny hands, too! Celebrities: just like us), and the fact that growing his beard turned out to be a very successful step in his career. Not that I’m trying to sneak a bunch of reading assignments into a blog about snacks and TV, but… if you’re interested, check it out. Summer homework, kids! Keeps your minds tarp as a shack.

I guess it’s sort of a “tradition” now to end these posts with a direct address (a “shout out,” if you will). The weird thing about this blog is that people actually read it. (I have been blogging for about eight years elsewhere, and had negative-4 hits a week, and I blog on here for three days and I had OVER 600 hits yesterday alone. But those old blogs were unsuccessful because they were about me, so I’m going to step away now and give this back to my persona.) And by “people actually read this blog,” I mean, the first two Tasty Morsels actually saw what I wrote about them (and/or their families and friends did), which was totally unexpected.

It was also humbling, because I got some lovely feedback. (Speaking of summer reading, Seth wrote a great article about his stint on “Dating in the Dark.”) The power of words! I love to be a snark and I think that’s what I’m supposed to do here, so I need to put down this corndog now (I don’t eat corndogs!). Every time I say the word “humbling,” another corndog gets its wings. But I just wanted to say, thanks for reading and thanks for commenting, and everything is always in good fun. And the Tasty Morsel segment is always about somebody I like (er, appreciate…), so it’s embarrassing if they come across it in an I’m-blushing way more than an I’d-better-find-a-lawyer way. (Well, I WOULD like to find a lawyer, if he is single and ready to mingle.)

Obviously Zach is a little bit more high profile (understatement), but it’s Hollwood and I am… maybe even less than one degree of separation from him. So I will do the shout-out, but know that the shout-outs are all in fun, you guys. I am not waiting by the phone for any of you.

Welcome to the future. Waiting by the phone doesn’t even really exist anymore–although agonizing over whether a guy will call or tweet or Facebook message or Text or IM or BBM is worse, because his status says that he’s just chillin’, and he ought to be callin’– because our phones are glued to our hands. We’re always waiting by the phone now and never waiting by the phone now (what’s a land line?). It’s a paradox. (Incidentally, I am getting my first Blackberry tomorrow, also known as plugging into the Matrix. Dear people I used to make eye contact with, It was nice knowing you.)

What’s this post about, again? Where did it start? Oh yeah, Zach Galifianakis was on Conan on Thursday night.

Zach, you’re looking good. But if I ever meet you at a party, I will not be fooled by your blue eyes, delicate hands, and rumpled locks (I enjoy rumpling my locks as well– curly hair is fun!). I will listen to my mom’s party-going advice, which is to cover your drink with your hand at all times. Because even though you may invite me into your wolfpack, or ask me to come to NC with you to meet your “twin brother,” I am hip to your act. We can have a good time without roofalin. I really, really (and then some more) don’t want to wake up the next morning with any missing teeth. (The missing teeth nightmares are bad enough!) (TMI?)

I set out for this post to say, “Zach Galifianakis, your stylist gets an A+. Nice going, you look sharp.” How do I always end up writing a thesis? I should try to convince some university to give me an advanced degree for this. (Hey ASU, what do you think? Oh, my “body of work” is just beginning? Not significant enough? Okay, cool. No big. Just checking.)

xoxo,

Bingerina

Follow my Twitter: @dailybinge

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Tasty TV Morsel: Evan Kasprzak from SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE

July 24, 2009
Evans flying high-- he made it into the Top 6 this week.

Evan channels his inner Chuck Bass.. and Austin Powers?

This post was originally slated to air on Wednesday. As you might recall, I ended up writing a full-blown SYTYCD recap instead. I couldn’t resist! Then I was going to post it last night, but part two of the True Blood recap swallowed me whole, Jonah-and-the-whale style. (BLOGGING IN THE DARK!) Recaps are fun, but they take for-eh-ver to write. (I’m very meticulous.)

But it works out pretty well to post this piece now, because as of last night we know that Evan is safe for this week. (Yessss!!!) I had an uneasy feeling that this might be his last ride on the Hot Tamale Train (although… is he even ON the Hot Tamale Train? He never gets a break, does he?), but he pulled through with flying colors. He wasn’t even in the bottom two! Good work, Evan. You looked great with Shortest Girl (TM) Janette this week. I can’t believe she was eliminated (that’s not a spoiler alert, because it happened more than 12 hours ago, and in our digital age that’s the equivalent of 12 days ago).

RIP, Janette (just kidding, she’s alive and kicking… high-kicking, probably). You were Mia Michaels’ favorite, to the power of 4.

Whereas some of the contestants were more or less invisible until the Top 20 revelations, this season featured Evan from the start.  (Last year, he was eliminated in the Las Vegas rounds–fairly late in the game, I think. The producers probably had a good feeling about his chances this time around.) That gave the audience a long time to get to know him, although the coverage sometimes seemed to paint him into a corner, as a dancer/character. (As we found out, nobody paints Evan into a corner! He dance-leaps right out of that corner!)

From the first time we saw him, Evan was pushing against the odds. During this season’s auditions, Evan and his brother Ryan were framed as a schticky, mugging pair of vaudevillians. (His style is a sort of Gene Kelly old-fashioned cool–billed as “Broadway” on the SYTYCD website– which isn’t necessarily the rage amongst the voting demographic. Ryan’s style–at least on this show–is tap dancing with an emphasis on whoopee cushion. He also choreographs Evan’s routines.)

Evan rose above it all (literally) with his amazing leaps and lines, and his expressive face (he’s a Musical Theater major at Illinois Weslyan University, and I would love to see him in “Guys and Dolls” on Broadway, like, tomorrow). Evan could easily bill himself as a contemporary or jazz dancer– those leaps! Mein Gott!

Ryan was basically number 21 out of the top 20 (but we already know that he will make it to Vegas this fall). First emotional blow! Both brothers took it in stride, which… good moral character! Attractive.

Okay, back to the hurdles… Evan’s short, to the extent that the judges were surprised that he was able to lift the much-taller (?) Kayla a few weeks ago (I wasn’t shocked; Kayla is a feather). (That week, he also had to wear shoes with really high heels. Then again, Ade had to wear RED heels this week.) The first few weeks, wardrobe dressed him in oversized, poofy clothes, which only made his physique look more awkward. Not to mention, the famous hooded eyelid debacle. (Whatever, Nigel.)

On top of all that, Evan was paired with married-girl Randi (from Utah, for what that’s worth), who felt awkward about having to do sexy dances with a man not her husband, and also about having to do sexy dances in general. Sorry, Evan! (And of course, Mia gave them a dance with the theme “Randi’s booty,” as in butt.) You kind of got a dud, in that department (but she was a really good sport and a great dancer, so it worked out). But you’re going to get a lot of girls when this is all over, if you’re into that (or a lot of guys, if that’s your thing).

All of the aforementioned factors added up to potential first-week elimination for Evan, but he’s still alive and kicking. Why? Above all, he’s a fantastic dancer. But on this show, everyone’s a great dancer. Getting into the Top 6 requires that magical “it” factor.

So how did Evan get there? I have a few ideas…

-His unique solos and amazing leaps. There’s nothing more sweet than a bashful guy in an old-fashioned tux, and when that guy does a high split leap into a floor split as if it’s nothing, and it’s just the appetizer of the solo… wow. Trust me on that. (Don’t trust me? See for yourself!) And his face is incredibly expressive. (Take that, Nigel.)

-Despite the emotional and physical hurdles being thrown his way, Evan has maintained a cheerful, can-do attitude. He exudes kindness and class. He takes criticism (even the hooded eyelid thing) with a smile, and pushes himself to improve. He never says an unkind word about any of his partners.

-In a competition populated by a whole lotta beautiful “ready-for-my-close-up” part-time models (heh), he’s an underdog and an outsider– and we like him for it. It’s refreshing. And he’s full of surprises.  In true Michigander fashion, he interviewed that if he wasn’t dancing, he’d be an auto mechanic. Hard to imagine, but he means it– he rebuilt an old car from scratch, just for fun. I never even knew what a “gear head” was until I heard him talk about it. (Also, I never identified with Randi more than when she seemed geniunely confused by the whole “gear head” thing, too.)

-He’s funny, sincere, and open to anything. Remember when he said this? “There’s definitely some moments that are a little awkward in my body. I’m not used to this style of jazz. I’m used to jazz hands and smiles.” Remember the African dance, when he was scrutinized for being pasty, short, and devoid of six-pack abs? Remember how despite all that, he rocked it? He has heart… and soul.

-He’s cute, in so many ways. (And he’s probably not as short as everybody thinks. Cat Deeley is an Amazon.)

-By the end of the whole hooded eyes debacle, he was obviously close to tears. I think that was a combination of the sting of Nigel’s comment, and the aftershock of having two amazing women shower him with praise. Sensitive! Sweet! Body issues that are beyond our control are so easy to identify with! PLUS, when Mia ended her critique with a Zoolander reference, Evan had the presence of mind to swallow his tears, smile, and quip, “A little Blue Steel.” A little Blue Steel, everybody. This kid’s gonna be a star.

-When Mia announced that Brandon was in the bottom two last night and Evan realized that he was safe, you could see the shock wash over his face. I’m in?? He covered his face with his hand, and it was all very, “Pinch me, I must be dreaming.” You’re not dreaming, Evan! Dreamy? Yes. Sleepy-eyed? Maybe. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) Dreaming? No.

-Okay, enough with this list. You get it.

Will Evan go home next week? Maybe. It’s anybody’s game. But at this point, he’s going on tour and he’s America’s sweetheart. He’s going to be just fine.

Evan, if you’re feeling small amongst all of the towering, tanned, model-slash-actors of Los Angeles, hit me up. I’m 5’1″-ish (so you’ll feel nice and tall), at least as pale as you, and well-versed in musical theater. Additionally, I have the hooded eyelids (and I’m pretty sure we both wear glasses, but not all the time… eye buddies!). Let’s start a club! (We’re gonna need a bigger boat, because… no, I’ve reached my self-stereotyping Jew quota for the week.)

Also, if I were a boy (ha), my parents were going to name me Evan. True story. Is this getting weird? We’re not twins or anything, because I’m older… and, you know… can’t dance to save my life. (DANCE FOR YOUR LIFE!)

Best of luck to Evan and Ryan! I have a feeling that you two will be dancing for your lives, as in… for years to come. You’re contributing to global warming. Global heart-warming, that is. (I’m sorry, I’m spreading too much love right now. I need to put this corndog down and go find a majestic falcon to kick.)(Just kidding. I don’t eat corndogs.)

xoxo…

Little Red Eyelid-Hood

Follow me on Twitter: @dailybinge

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Tasty TV Morsel: Seth from DATING IN THE DARK

July 21, 2009
To be fair, this is not Seths best angle. But I still wouldnt ditch him!

To be fair, this is not Seth's best angle. But I still wouldn't ditch him!

Last night my roommate and I checked out the new ABC show “Dating in the Dark.” The basic premise is that three men and three women meet and then break off and have individual dates, all in complete darkness. At the end their looks are revealed, and each person can decide whether to stick with his/her match or bail out.

Out of the three guys in the pilot, my immediate favorite was “Audio Visual Designer” Seth. Rumpled hair, good sense of humor, a jaunt in his step, the Nice-Jewish-Boy vibe. What’s not to like? (He does say that he usually just picks the hottest girl around– excuse me while I vomit– BUT he came on the show to combat that impulse.) And I like the irony of an “Audio Visual Designer” having to meet people IN THE DARK!

Seth was paired with “Marketing Manager” Christina (marketing… probably a bit of foreshadowing that she wants a man with an overall wow-factor), and things seemed to go well for them. They swapped many touching stories in the dark (apparently, because we only saw a few moments of their dialogue), along with a LOT of saliva (I think we saw more of the kissing than the talking). Christina was your average pretty brunette, but not a beauty queen. In the portion where Seth had to describe what she looked like to a sketch artist, he was eerily close to what she really looked like (major exception: he thought she was a blonde). Christina described a slightly less attractive guy than Seth (he described the sketch as “a hobbit,” although… hobbits can be hot), so I thought she’d be happily surprised by the sight of the real Seth.

Not so much.

The one thing that made me happy was that the contestants weren’t allowed to speak when the other person was revealed to them. Can you imagine how humiliating it would be if the other person gasped and said, “Oh God, your face… it’s hideous!” As it turned out, the way the rejection went down was almost worse…

Seth was totally pumped when he saw Christina, despite her unflattering reveal outfit. (Two words for you, Christina, when it comes to tent-y dresses: Belt it.) Christina, on the other hand, blathered on and on about her potential lack of physical attraction to Seth. Um, hello? You made out with him. MORE THAN ONCE. Isn’t that physical attraction? I don’t know. Wait, I do. Yes, yes it is.

Christina spent a looong time lying around the realty TV manse, agonizing over whether to meet Seth on the mythical balcony-of-the-light. As Seth waited on the balcony, he saw stone-cold Christina walk out the front door in her spiky-ass heels, wheeling her suitcase behind her. She didn’t even give him a parting glance. After the bond they both professed to have fostered, the cut-and-run aspect of it was worse than a face-to-face letdown. Seth watched her go, incredulous. Cut to video of Christina crying about how she doesn’t want people to judge her judgy-ness.

The cruelest part was that even creepy “SAT Tutor” and pheromone enthusiast Stephen got a chance in the light with his girl.

The thing is… how hard would it have been for Christina to meet Seth on the porch, and give him another hour of her time? She could easily have rejected him as soon as the cameras stopped rolling. But honestly, he’s better off without her. It wouldn’t have lasted, and now America knows Seth is single and ready to mingle.

Seth can take comfort in the fact that women across America are feeling sorry for him, and also attracted to him. Live it up, Seth! (And/or look me up!)

xoxo…

PS/Random Aside: I’ve heard that total-darkness restaurants are a wonderful sensory experience. But maybe don’t go with a blind date. (Exception: If you and/or your date is literally blind… why not? It’s just like any other date.)

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