The Daily Binge

Episode 310, “The Color Blue” Air Date: 10/18/09

First of all, I’m not 100% sure why this episode is called “The Color Blue.” I’d have to go back and do some deep, English-major analysis. Don’s robe-of-secrets was blue, so there’s that. And most of the characters were in their usual malaise.

[Edit: I remember now-- Don and Suzanne discussed the idea that it's hard to know that everyone is agreeing that blue is blue, since we could all be seeing colors differently. In a related note, the other day when I exited a movie theater, the sky looked white for several minutes until my eyes adjusted. It was TRIPPY.]

This week we found out that Teacher-Suzanne (Don’s new f-buddy) is… complicated. And maybe crazy. First of all, her epileptic 25-year-old brother visited mid-sex, and Suzanne forced Don to meet him. The Brother (I don’t remember his name) reminded me of a young Steve Zahn. (But a highbrow, “Mad Men” version of Steve Zahn.)

Later on, Suzanne got her brother (okay, I feel lazy… I looked it up: Danny) a job as a janitor at a hospital in Bedford, Mass. Don offered to drive Danny up there, because it’s a long drive, and sexism and sex and whatever else. I Google Mapped it, for those of us who care. (This is “Mad Men.” Attention must be paid!)

According to Google, that’s three hours at least. It’s crazy to my California mind that you can drive through the entire state of Connecticut in… what? Two hours? Less? I could get in my car and drive for two hours right now, and end up in… nope, still in Los Angeles.

Twenty miles outside of Framingham, Danny tells Don that he has no intention to work at this hospital in Bedford, and Don lets him out. In the middle of NOWHERE. In fact, it’s worse than nowhere. It looks like the opening shot of any movie or TV show where somebody’s about to get attacked in the woods. You could have at least driven Danny to a train station, Don. Or, you know… somewhere with streetlights. Jeebus.

Cole and I wondered how Don was going to explain his early return to Suzanne, but turns out that Framingham’s not that far from Bedford, so… whew. You may wonder why Danny waited so long to ask for Don to pull over and let him out… he was hoping to give Don the slip at a rest stop, action-hero style. Poor Danny. He didn’t even get that moment of glory.

It’s a sad story because Danny’s epilepsy is (supposedly) what’s keeping him down in life, and it goes back to that same uncomfortable feeling that I got when Guy lost everything when he lost his foot. Anyone with a handicap in those days might as well have had REJECT stamped on their forehead. Poor Danny. Poor Guy. (But also, Danny had a huge chip on his shoulder, and I had to wonder how much of his unhappy life was a result of his attitude… it’s a “what came first?” situation.)

Don made mention of wanting to do it right “this time,” and gave his number to Danny, in case he needed help. I’m assuming that this has to do with his own brother. You’ll recall that in Season 1, Don rejected his little Whitman brother, and said brother committed suicide, just before Don decided to reconcile. Oops.

Oh yeah, and Suzanne stalked Don on his train to work, which creeped me out. She’s going to be THAT mistress. Don secretly held her hand for a moment, and that was sweet. But… run, Don. RUN! And Don likes Suzanne’s long curly hair, because nobody has that anymore in 1963. (I have long-ish curly hair, so… I don’t know. Data inconclusive.)

Earlier in the season, Don looked at his Box of Family Mementos (I try not to call it simply “the box,” because that’s gross… well, depending on your Codes of Slang), and I said to Thomas, “Why does he keep them in such a find-able place? What if Betty saw them? Drama!” (I thought they were in a bedroom drawer.) “Nah,” Thomas said. “It’s just photos. Nothing incriminating.” But it turns out that he keeps that box in his Locked Desk Drawer of Secrets (which also contains… wads of cash). And it’s more than photos…

Don had the keys in the pocket of his robe, and Betty happened upon them while doing laundry. (Honestly, I’m surprised she never found them before.) While everything was confusing (for example… photos of Don and his little brother captioned with the name “Dick”) (Dick pics! HAHA!), the most shocking discovery was Don’s divorce papers.

It was a total Holy Shit! moment, especially because… it wasn’t like Peggy’s I-had-Pete’s-baby secret, where we were waiting for that bomb to drop. This bomb dropped out of NOWHERE, because… it’s just kind of a given that Don’s secret are secret secrets.

I mean, those of us who watched Season 2 know that… this is all a result of Don’s identity-switching, and that Anna Draper was more of a mom-friend to Don. Of course, Betty doesn’t realize that Anna Draper is the REAL Don Draper’s wife, and that the divorce was just a technicality. To Betty, this divorce news is like WHOA. But the bombshell for US is that Betty just hit the tip of an iceberg of lies. Women and children first!

Betty knocked Don’s documents on the floor, then sent Clara away with the kids until dinnertime. She sat with the Box of Secrets, waiting for Don to come home, waiting to confront him. But Don’s busy driving to Bedford, Mass. By the middle of the night it becomes painfully apparent that Don’s not coming home, and Betty locks the Box of Secrets back into the drawer and puts the keys back in Don’s robe. (OMG, the Box of Secrets is actually a WHITMAN’S SAMPLER. Get it? Dick Whitman??) (Or we could call it Pandora’s Box. Either way.)

(OMG: DICK IN A BOX!)

So now there are secrets on top of secrets. You know, the usual. And I totally called Betty finding those pictures and WTF-ing over them, so I win a free… nothing. I win nothing.

Speaking of secrets, young Sally answered the phone and got a hang-up, and Don and Betty both thought it was a secret call for them. Betty called Henry Francis to check and got a “You don’t need to make up excuses to call me,” so I’m guessing it was Suzanne, who denied it, but is showing stalking tendencies. (Or maybe it was Anna Draper. Wild card!) (Or maybe… just a wrong number.)

Clara-the-maid (and de facto mother to Sally & Bobby) is the omniscient observer at the Draper residence, and she must be a champion behind-your-back eye-roller, because Betty and Don are so… secrets and lies. Also: Clara goes to church every Sunday. Sally’s like, “Why don’t we go to church every Sunday?” and Betty says, “Because we’re all too busy having secret dalliances, and also God loves white people the most.” (She doesn’t say any of that, but I think the latter is implied.)

Meanwhile at Sterling Cooper: The company is preparing for its huge 40th Anniversary Banquet (at Connie Hilton’s Waldorf-Astoria, of course), at which Don will be receiving an award and giving the keynote speech.

Lane Pryce’s wife hates NYC and wants to go back to London, and maybe she will: St. John (MR. SHEFFIELD!) tells Pryce that the Brits are selling Sterling Cooper. He tells his wife, and in my book wins the best award possible: Nicest and Most Honest Spouse. (Earlier, when Mrs. Pryce shows up at the office in tears and out of cash after a terrible taxi ride, Pryce does his best to comfort her, and even asks to see her gown. Awww.) (Oh, and Mrs. Pryce hates Pryce’s assistant, smarmy Mr. Hooker. Points for her! When Pryce rehearsed his speech, Hooker called it “rousing.” GROSS!)

Other Sterling Cooper news: Don’s contract is finalized, and he gets a $5000 bonus. He’s probably going to stuff that into the Drawer of Secrets, too.

Oh yeah, totally thematic storyline: Peggy and Paul Kinsey work on a Western Union campaign. For telegrams. (Do telegrams even exist anymore?) (It’s Peggy and Paul’s fault!) Paul is mad at Peggy for being a woman, and for doing an awesome job on her feet of thinking up a better idea than Paul’s during Paul’s improv-skit presentation of an Aqua Net commercial (ha!). (My aunt claims to have met a woman named Aquanetta, which is… amazing.)

So Peggy and Paul stay late to work separately (but equally?) on Western Union ideas. Peggy burps into her dictaphone (whatever that thing’s called) and apologizes to her secretary. Paul drinks a whole bottle of… who knows? Hard liquor. He exits his office in the wee morning, hollering for Peggy, and I’m REALLY glad she already left, because… he took off his belt. Anything you can imagine him doing next with/to Peggy is creepy.

Instead Paul finds a late-night janitor named Achilles. (As in, heel? Thematic!) He inquires about the strange name, and Achilles starts telling a story about how it’s a family name, and whenever anybody says, “Achilles!” at a family party, all the men turn around. Paul, self-centered dick that he is, cuts off the story and goes back to his office to stomp his feet in joy because he just thought of the BEST IDEA EVER.

Of course the next day his secretary shakes him awake on his couch, and he has no record of his Great Idea, other than… it was Great. I’m willing to bet major money that it was only great because he was craaaaaazy drunk. A couple of times I’ve woken up from a “brilliant” dream, jotted it down, and when I wake up in the morning and read it… whaaat? It usually says something like, “Love is difficult, strange. Golf, hamsters– metaphor.”

Paul retraces his steps, to no avail. He ends up bringing zilch to the table with Peggy and Don, and Peggy convinces him to tell Don what happened. Of course, “I should have written it down” leads to a brilliant idea (from Don & Peggy, because Paul… whatever), because telegrams are all about writing something down and keeping it (Don mentions that a significant telegram could be “framed”… interesting, if you think of the other meaning of “framed” vis a vis Don’s secret documents), vs. a telephone conversation, which can be forgotten. (And now we have emails and IMs and all that… I guess that’s your modern telegram.)

They build off of a Chinese proverb that Paul quotes: “The faintest ink is better than the best memory.”

So, given that storyline, it’s fascinating how much of this week’s episode has to do with phone calls (the anxiety-inducing hang-up at the Drapers, Betty’s call with Henry, Pryce’s phone conversation with London) and with written documents (Don’s contract and the evidence in his locked drawer… the photos, the divorce papers, etc).

The write it down vs. remember it theme goes even further, because Cooper is looking at old pictures of the men of Sterling Cooper, and we see that Sterling’s mother is losing her memory. In the car to the gala, she forgets that Sterling is married to Jane now. “Does Mona know?” she asks, concerned.

PS Does anyone remember how sweet Paul seemed in Season 1? When he was trying to romance Peggy? (Although in retrospect, that was kind of creepy.) He turned out to be a dick-and-a-half, even if he does support progressive ideas. Too pretentious! Shield your eyes!

I didn’t remember Pete being at the episode at all, but apparently he was at the gala. What a cute couple! I love Trudy.

Betty tried to get out of going to the gala (feigned illness), but Don wanted to show her off. (Some websites are saying that Betty’s dress was blue, but I saw it as primarily green. Which goes back to that whole “is blue blue” question. It all ties together!) It’s funny because she doesn’t even understand what she found. But she knows that she knows less about Don than she realized. Who IS this man that she’s sharing her life with? Who was he before? (Also, divorce was more taboo back then, so there’s that, too.)

Sterling introduces Don to the crowd, and it must be killing him. Earlier in the episode he expressed his annoyance in celebrating Don, pointing out that he plucked Don from the obscurity of fur sales. He refers (again?) to the idea that Don and Betty look like the wax figures on a wedding cake. (Metaphor!) Also, we find out that Sterling’s FATHER is the Sterling in Sterling Cooper. That explains a LOT, from Sterling’s relative youth (compared to Cooper) to why the Brits see him as inconsequential. He’s the prince, not the king.

Don and Sterling do a good job pretending to be friends, because everybody in this world is pretending everything, anyway. It’s easy for them to fake it. (Except for Pryce and his wife. Foreigners!) (Ironic that the Brits are more demonstrative than the Americans, don’t you think?)

Oh yeah, and Pryce convinced Cooper to go to the gala by appealing to Cooper’s vanity. Which surprised me a little, because Cooper’s so crazy (like a fox!), I didn’t realize that he cared what other people think. I mean, he walks around in socks and hangs tentacle-rape pictures in his office. But… people are complicated. So… there you go.

Next week: Joan and Dr. Greg. When oh when will we see Big Gay Sal again? Is he licking his wounds on Fire Island, or what?

Also… what’s going to happen in the finale? It was mid-October this week (so… our real-life calendar was in sync with “Mad Men”… like two ships passing in the night). It would make sense that the finale would be Sterling’s daughter’s wedding and the Kennedy assassination.

Will Betty confront Don about his secrets by the end of the season? Or will she just lock them into the Secret Drawer of her SOUL, and have a “tawdry” affair with Henry Francis?

xoxo…

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Episode 306: “Guy Walks Into An Advertising Agency” Air Date: 9/20/09

I was really torn between calling this “British Invasion” and “The British Are Coming.” I chose the latter because it has more to do with the American Revolution. And this is a 4th of July episode. So… I hope you appreciate my clever decision. And my humility. Ha.

And the Mad Men website had several great pictures this week. So I figured… the more, the merrier!

While I was watching the Emmys, my mom called to warn me about something bloody and disturbing that happens in this episode. (Although I love “True Blood,” I’m generally very squeamish.)

Mom didn’t want to ruin it for me, but through a series of questions I managed to figure out that the bloody event would be something similar to a stabbing, that it wouldn’t happen to a lead, that it wouldn’t be perpetrated by Sally, and that it would take place about three-quarters into the episode.

As a result, I spent the entire episode (and entire recap, since I recapped on first viewing) speculating about how the bloody mess would come to be.

Previously on: Dr. Greg stuff. (Oh no… are we going to see hospital blood?) Also: Earlier tonight, “Mad Men” won the Emmy for Best Drama.

I didn’t even mention this in my notes when I did my initial recap, but it’s very important to know that at the beginning of this episode, Ken drives a John Deere lawnmower/tractor thing into the main cubicle area of Sterling Cooper. I have no idea how he got it up the elevator. He’s gloating, because John Deere is his account (not Pete’s), and something big just happened with it.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but that tractor was the gun on the wall. As in the famous principle: “If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it’s not going to be fired, it shouldn’t be hanging there.” -From S. Shchukin, Memoirs (1911)

But I didn’t realize that the tractor was a gun, because sometimes a tractor is just a tractor.

Sorry to get all reference-y. Actually, I’m not sorry. This is “Mad Men.” It’s high brow TV. Keep up.

There’s a special announcement at Sterling Cooper: The British are coming! As in… the guys who own Sterling Cooper. They’re visiting through July 3rd, which was supposed to be a day off. “They were unaware of the holiday,” Mr. Hooker informs everybody. Or they were very aware, and bitter! (In case you’ve forgotten, he’s Mr. Pryce’s man-secretary. They’re both British.)

Aw, Wednesday will be Joan’s last day.

Everyone is rushing around to make sure that things are perfect for the visit.

Hooker: Mr. Kinsey, you may need to shave your beard.

Paul Kinsey: What? Who ARE you people?!

Hooker: That was a joke.

Don and Roger Sterling are going to a barber shop… oh no, shaving knife blood?! I think this pre-barber scene is when Cooper says something to make Don think that the British are going to promote him and steal him to London.

Betty is sleeping on her bed, with Baby Gene in her arms. Bobby and Sally come into the room. Bobby approaches his mother, but Sally stays a safe distance away from the baby.

Bobby: I’m bored.

Betty: Go bang your head against the wall.

Bobby: Mo-om.

Wow, Mother of the Year.

Betty: Only bored people are bored.

Bobby (re: the baby): Can I pet him?

Awww, kids say the darndest things! Bobby pets the baby, and then he and Sally leave. Betty calls Baby Gene her “little pig in a blanket.” So… she likes Baby Gene, at least.

At the barber shop, Sterling gets a manicure. Is he an original metrosexual? Don declines a manicure. It’s too feminine for his taste.

Sterling tells a story about how his very manly father always got manicures. A windshield severed his father’s arm. But the fingernails were perfect! Could that be the bloody scene later on, in a flashback? No, because the story is a lie. Well, at least what his father hit was a lie. (But the severed limb is foreshadowing!)

Don slaps aftershave on his face, and doesn’t flinch. What a man!

Sterling says that the problem with Mona (his ex) is that she started judging people. Sterling doesn’t like being judged. That’s a pointed message at Don. (Oh yeah, they were sent to this barber together because Cooper wants them to make up. There’s still tension between Don and Sterling because Don called bullshit on Sterling’s happiness at the Derby Days party.)

Joan gives terse instructions to Hildy the Secretary.

Hildy to Joan: Are you being short with me because you think it will make parting easier? My mother used to do that.

Wow, mother issues everywhere. And then Mr. Hooker approaches.

Hooker: I’m noticing for the first time that the ladies out here are rather plain, present company excluded.

Joan: Well, we could hire some prostitutes. I know your prime minister enjoys their company.

Hooker: Secretary at War. And you’d do best not to bring that up tomorrow.

Ha! Get some hookers for Hooker.

Hooker says that maybe they can “re-shed-yool” Joan’s surprise going away party, since the Brits are coming tomorrow. Oh, wait, oops? Surprise party. Hooker says that he’s sure Joan already knew. He calls her “Mrs. Harris.” Is she already married to Greg? (Thomas and I have been arguing about that.)

Joan tells Hooker that she’s going home to cook a celebratory dinner for her husband. (He finds out if he’s chief resident today… I’m guessing he’s not, since we know that he’s a surgery-botcher.) “And when you wake up in the middle of the night and wonder what you forgot, don’t call me.” You go girl! (Why don’t you talk this way to your icky husband?)

Okay, new guess: Greg isn’t going to make chief resident. And then he’s going to use a medical instrument to stab whoever DID get it. Because… he’s a rapist.

Don and Betty debrief about the day. Sally won’t go near the baby. She also won’t sleep without a nightlight… but I mean, those are both things that kids do. Not too crazy. Don asks Betty if she’d want to live in London, and she says, “Of course. I could get a pram and a real nanny.” Are those things cheaper in London?

Joan is sleeping on the couch when Greg comes in drunk and stumbles over something in the dark. Aw, there wasn’t any celebratory dinner, because Greg never came home. Poor Joan! Greg says that he told her he was going to drinks with the docs. Joan calls him on his lie and says, “I just ate dinner for two.” Haha, a woman after my own heart.

Greg didn’t get chief resident. Duhhhh. He’s a shitty surgeon. Doug Hutchinson is chief resident. I think Doug Hutchison is getting stabbed tonight. Or maybe Edinger, who didn’t look Greg in the eye. All of these people are up for stabbing, because my mom said that it was a “new character” who would be getting maimed.

Uh oh, it’s going to be Edinger.

Greg: He sat me down in his office and he poured a drink and he said… he said I had no brains in my fingers.

Joan: But he wrote you all those nice evaluations–

Greg: Dammit, Joan! Doctors don’t write bad things about each other.

Ugh, that explains a lot. Like those doctors you see on “20/20″ who accidentally amputated the wrong limb, more than once. Because they keep getting sent from hospital to hospital, and never actually get fired or reported.

If Greg wants to stay in surgery, he’s going to have to leave New York. He’ll go to “Alabama, or something.” He’s still a doctor, but he’s not a surgeon. Greg won’t say whether he was fired. But he does tell Joan that she’ll need to work for another year. “Greg, that’s done,” she says, re: her job at Sterling Cooper. “Well, get another one,” he replies.

Joan: Listen, you are still a doctor. I married you for your heart, not your hands.

Oh, so they are married. (And I bet he married her for her chest, not her heart.)

The other doctors went out to celebrate, but Greg couldn’t fake it with them. He’s been sitting in The Dublin House (a bar?) since 2pm. Oh great, alcoholic in training. “Go lay down,” Joan says. “I’ll undress you.” Ya big baby.

Don lies in bed next to Betty, looking smug. Is he about to face a Greg-esque reality check?

Sally lies awake, even though she has her nightlight.

Joan wears her amazing lime green dress, which I think we’ve seen before. Ugh, Mr. Hooker is taking over her job. AH! Mr. Sheffield from “The Nanny” is back, as… I think it’s spelled St. John (pronounced “sin gin,” haha).

As Hooker shows the Brits around, Paul sits in his office with the door open… playing guitar and singing? It’s like he’s in a competition: America’s Biggest Corporate Beatnik?

Blue-suited Pete meets Guy McKendrick (one of the Brits).

Guy: I know everything about you. You’re a very impressive fellow.

Pete: I wish I could return the compliment.

Guy: Well perhaps one day you shall.

Did Pete accidentally totally burn Guy McKendrick? He said it really pleasantly, but “I wish I could return the compliment?” Sounds… like a diss. Oops!

Next Guy McK meets Peggy.

Guy: I know everything about you. You are a very impressive young woman.

Are you sensing a trend here? Peggy says, “Why, thank you.” That feels more appropriate. Oooh, and Guy hopes to chat with her later. Bow chicka wow.

Now I’m thinking that maybe Guy McK will be the stabee.

The Brits take off their shoes to go into Cooper’s office. Guy has degrees from Cambridge and the London School of Economics, and he’s been studying Don’s work. Stalker!

Guy says to Don, “I look forward to, how do you say, catching up?” But Guy speaks English. He’s British. I always think of “how do you say?” as being something that non-English speakers say. There’s something kind of phony about Guy. I mean, not that. I don’t think he’s secretly French or anything. But… odd. He’s charming, but it’s covering up something more calculated.

I think at this point there’s some sort of Agatha Christie/Clue reference to having the meeting “in the x, with the y.” Which is appropriate to this recap, because I’m sleuthing out the stabber/stabee. (Also appropriate because I just watched “Bored to Death”… big night of sleuthery.) After the Brits leave, Cooper says, “Well, that was strange.”

Lane Pryce nervously awaits the visiting Brits. “Spectacles,” Hooker reminds him, and Pryce removes his glasses and sticks them in his pocket. Haha. Vanity.

The Brits are very impressed with Pryce’s work at Sterling Cooper. They’re offering Pryce a reward and a challenge. It’s in a box… it’s something that looks like a snake? A taxidermied rattle snake in a basket. Yay?

St. John: It’s for our snake charmer. We’re sending you to Bombay.

Pryce: Bombay? What would I do there?

He sounds very nervous.

St. John: Well, hopefully the same thing you accomplished here.

Pryce is not happy at all. His wife just settled in, his son was just accepted to school. He doesn’t want to move halfway across the world, all over again. But St. John reminds Pryce that he’s moving up. (… Or is he?) (Technically, he’s moving south.)

Ah, Guy McKendrick gives a presentation on an overheard projector. This is 1963? In the year 2000, overheard projectors were still in wide use at my high school. I don’t know if that’s a comment on technology, or on public school… or both. (They’ve probably moved on to PowerPoint by now.)

Everyone claps for Lane Pryce. “Our loss is India’s gain,” Guy says. Then he adds, “There’s no need for alarm. There will be no further reductions in our ranks.” Harry is the only one who claps for that, and it’s wonderfully inappropriate and awkward.

Don, Guy, and Cooper will be overseeing the company. There’s a line from Don’s name up to Guy’s, so I guess he’s under Guy now? And Guy is… in his late twenties, I think? So… not exactly a promotion, there. Not for Don, at least.

Cooper points out that Sterling isn’t on the chart at all. “Ah, that was an oversight,” Guy says. Hmmm. Don is sketching a little British (sort of?) flag in his notebook. Guy doesn’t want to inform the rest of Sterling Cooper of this good news (?) in a memo. He wants to go inform the troops right away! The Brits exit.

Harry: What the hell just happened?

Pete: They reorganized us, and you’re the only one in this room who got a promotion.

Harry: Really?

Sterling: Yes, really.

Haha. Cooper apologizes to Don for his wild imagination. I guess he really thought that Don would be going to England? And Don was pumped about that? Because… REVOLUTIONARY ROAD? I don’t know.

I need a blood buddy. Usually at the movies I bury my head in Cole’s shoulder, and he tells me when I can look. He’s Blackberry messaging me, but my recapping has put me out of sync with him. This is not good.

Betty and Sally have a chat in Sally’s room. I like their colorful outfits! Betty “finds” a gift. “‘To my new big sister, the best in the world!’ And my goodness, it’s from Baby Gene.” Ooh, Sally doesn’t look happy. But my mom told me that the blood doesn’t involve Sally, so I’m not too worried for the baby.

Ooh, they totally are dying Sally’s hair, and making her look like mini-Betty. Their hair is really similar in this scene. It’s kind of freaky. Mini-Betty!

Anyway, Sally inspects the card. “Baby Gene can’t write,” she says suspiciously. Future rocket scientist! “Babies get fairies to do things,” Betty says. “You know that.” Really? Is that something that kids are supposed to know? Nobody every told me that. But I never looked gift-from-baby horses in the mouth. It’s a Barbie. Oh, great role model.

“I think he wants you to know that he wants to be your friend,” Betty says, re: Baby Gene. Actually, this is probably Betty at her kindest. Oh wait. She stands up, puts her hand on Sally’s shoulder, kisses her on the head, and says, “And you are very important to me, too.” It’s fairly curt. And then she walks out.

Is Betty obsessed with Baby Gene because he’s sort of a symbol of the potential reincarnation of her just-died father? Let’s discuss.

Oh, and the Barbie has short brown hair. And it’s scary looking. (According to Oprah’s 1960s-themed episode that aired on Monday 9/21, 1963 Barbie was meant to look like Jackie O.)

Guy toasts goodbye to Pryce, and to Joan. “I wish you caviar, and children, and all that is good in your new life.” Guy raises his glass to Joan and smiles handsomely at her, and she starts to cry.

Oh no, is Joan going to stab her husband? Desperate housewives!

Hooker wheels out a cake with a picture of a ship on it. It says, “Bon Voyage, Joan.” I can’t help but think of it as a sinking ship.

“Enjoy the liquor and delicatessen,” Guy says. Delicatessen! I love it. (I really do. The word and the food.) The presentations will continue tomorrow. The rest of the day is dedicated to partying.

Which is lame, because can’t they finish the presentations today, and get 3rd of July off tomorrow?

Ken Pete, Harry, and Paul stand off to the side, looking unhappy.

Ken: So… what now? They keep adding people above us.

Pete: One more promotion, and we’re gonna be answering the phones.

At least this is kind of bonding Ken and Pete, after all of the we-got-the-same-promotion drama of episodes one and two.

Okay, maybe Pete is going to stab Guy? Maybe Joan is going to stab Hooker, to get her job back?

Peggy and Don stand together, awkwardly.

Peggy: This is good champagne.

Don: I don’t think so.

Oh, come on, Don. Throw her a bone. Peggy exits to get some food, and Don’s secretary tells him that Conrad Hilton’s office is on the line. OH CRAZY. Remember Connie? From the bar at the garden party?

Okay, the only reason I connect this so fast is because Thomas called that Connie was Conrad Hilton, the night that we watched the Derby Days episode. Thomas is uber-smart like that.

Conrad Hilton. The hotel owner. As in, Hilton. Don knows all this, but Don doesn’t make the Conrad-Connie connection. He’s willing to meet with Hilton “right now,” but is really confused.

Don’s told to meet Connie at the Waldorf. I’ve stayed there! But not in the Presidential Suite, which is where Don is headed.

Sterling’s upset that he wasn’t on the chart. He complains to Cooper, who is eating chocolate pudding. Cooper is delightfully eccentric.

Sterling: I like to think, I’m rich, they can’t hurt me.

Cooper: That’s a mistake.

Sterling: I’m being punished for making my job look easy. Although that kid, Guy, he has a spark. He is a pure account man.

Cooper says that being a good account man is about “letting things go so you can get what you want.” Deep. Sterling leaves, telling Cooper to have a nice holiday and “enjoy the fireworks.”

During the commercials: “AMC congratulates Matthew Weiner and Kater Gordon on their Emmy award.” That was fast! This recorded at 7pm PST. Kater looked kind of like Vampire Jessica from “True Blood.”

Forty-one minutes in. I’m increasingly nervous about the blood.

Party at the office. We haven’t seen an office party like this since the election episode, have we? Smitty and Out Gay Kurt (FINALLY!) and… some other guy… are talking Vietnam. I won’t call him “Guy” because there already is a Guy.

Employee: My dad keeps talking about Vietnam. I think he wants me to get drafted.

Smitty: First of all, they’re hardly drafting anybody. Second of all, you’re too old. [thinks] Third of all, I have a friend in the army, and if you’re smart, you’re set. He sits behind a desk at Fort Dix and screws secretaries all day.

At Fort Dix?! Hahaha. Suddenly Gay Kurt is interested (in Dix! haha), and says his first (and so far, only) line all season, in his wherever-he’s-from accent (the actor is from Bosnia/Germany).

Kurt: Does he shoot the peoples?

Smitty: I gotta take a piss.

Also: Smitty is wrong about a lot of things about Vietnam. Or at least, he’s going to be wrong, in retrospect. And Smitty has bad judgment in general. (Foreshadowing.)

Peggy got a card for Joan. “It would be nice if I gave you a gift for once, and you didn’t wonder if I wanted something,” Peggy says.

Peggy: I don’t want you to think I never listen to you. It’s just we can’t all be you.

Joan: Be that as it may, I do take some credit for your success here.

They share a smile. It’s sweet. Aw, why can’t they be friends? Because… it’s the working world in the 1960s, and… Joan resents Peggy, I think. Because Peggy is a copy-writer, and not a… sex object. Even though Joan never really wanted that kind of career. Until the whole TV/Media thing last year, where Harry should have hired Joan to be his right hand.

And then: Oh no, Now Smitty (I think) is driving the John Deere tractor thing around, and he’s probably drunk, and… I have a feeling this is going to be the cause of the bloody incident? I need a blood buddy, because I don’t want to look anymore. It’s hard to recap without looking.

Um, I am paralyzed with fear. I am pausing the episode and Blackberrying Cole for backup, here.

Oh, the tractor is gone, for now. Whew.

Peggy to Joan: I’m really happy you got what you wanted. I remember on my first day you said that could happen to me if I played my cards right.

What, getting married? I don’t remember.

Oh no, the tractor is back. THIS IS THE WORST. And Paul’s kind of inept secretary (Lois?) is driving. She’s bad at this!

Joan and Peggy are saying they’ll see each other all the time. Not. “If we don’t,” Peggy says. “I just want to say…”

The tractor noises are getting loud. Joan and Peggy are yelling over it. I have to pause. Steeling myself for blood.

Oh no, the secretary slices some guy in a gray suit’s leg… and drives right through an office wall/window. Whee! That wasn’t so bad… yet. It was kind of funny. And several of the regulars got sprayed with blood.

Oh, I think his foot is… almost severed. I’m not looking. Paul is splattered in blood. And Harry? I’m not looking.

Joan runs to the rescue. “Get us a tourniquet and a first aid kit.” Lois is freaking out. “Get her out of here!” Joan says. You guys, Joan is a medical master. She should be a nurse, or an EMT. That’s her next career. I bet she’s better at this than Greg is.

Okay, Mom. That really wasn’t so bad. I didn’t look, but I don’t think I needed such a dire warning.

Don meets with Conrad Hilton, and remembers that they met at the country club. Don made him a drink. “Let me return the favor,” Conrad says. “I can’t believe you’re Conrad Hilton,” Don replies. “Connie,” Conrad corrects him. Er, Connie corrects him.

Connie: Food? Best kitchen in the world, got a salad named after it.

Waldorf salad! Also: The Waldorf decor hasn’t really changed since the 1960s. That’s pretty cool. I mean, this is probably a set in Los Angeles. But it’s a set that is decorated to look like the Waldorf did in 1963.

Don can’t get over that he didn’t know who Connie was. “Ah, I don’t know,” Connie says. “Now, after this comes out next week…” He holds up a picture of the cover of Time Magazine, with his face on it. “Well, they don’t do that for everyone,” Don marvels. Connie puts it down. “I think I look like an A-rab.” Ha! Random.

Also, this is Paris Hilton’s… grandfather? Great-grandfather? Haha.

How did Connie find Don?

Connie: Well, I called around, told people I had a long chat with a handsome fellow from Sterling Cooper, and your name never came up. Apparently you don’t have long chats with people.

Only with strangers. But now Connie isn’t a stranger. And he knows that Don used to be a valet who peed into car trunks. Awk! Connie wants Don to look at some ad ideas. “You wouldn’t be in the Presidential Suite right now if you worked for free,” Don answers. Throw a few Benjamins at him, Connie! But Connie wants one for free.

The ads have a weird mouse on them. I’m good at this game, because Don says, “I don’t think anybody wants to think about a mouse in a hotel.” On the same page as Don! I feel cool.

Don and Connie sit down. “Well, there went my idea,” Connie says. “You got something better?”

Don: I might.

Connie: So… what do you want?

Don: I’m not gonna lie. I’d love a chance at your business.

Connie: Okay. But the next time somebody like me asks you a question like that, you need to think bigger.

I can’t tell if Connie is saying that Don shouldn’t have been so quick to ask for money before, or that he should have asked for more than just a chance at business just now. Either way, it works.

Don: There are snakes that go months without eating until they finally catch something. But they’re so hungry that they suffocate while they’re eating… One opportunity at a time.

Okay, so I guess it was the latter? Connie expected Don to ask for his own company or something?

Ooh, also: Another mention of snakes. Does this have any ties to the taxidermy snake that Pryce received from the Brits? I mean, it does. Duh. This is “Mad Men.” So, snakes that eat too much suffocate, and Pryce got a dead snake… does that mean that Pryce got a bigger project than he could handle, overseeing Sterling Cooper?

And now… Don has an emergency call. “Home or office?” he asks. Because both are… volatile.

Harry, Ken, Smitty, Pete, and Paul sit in an office. Someone is wiping blood off the window. Harry and Paul are down to their undershirts, thanks to the blood spray. The guys are really, really pissed at Smitty for breaking out the tractor, and for letting doesn’t-know-how-to-drive stupid Lois drive it.

Harry: We had the world handed to us on a plate. And then you swing in on a chandelier, drop your pants, and crap on it.

Sterling walks in. “Jesus, it’s like Iwo Jima out there. We should put a rubber mat down so Cooper can get around [in his socks].” “They’re changing the carpeting,” Pete replies.

“Any news?” Sterling asks. “He might lose his foot,” Paul says morosely, especially juxtaposed with Sterling’s chipper attitude. “Right when you get it in the door,” Sterling quips.

Whose office got smashed, I wonder.

Ken says that he takes full responsibility (reminder: he brought the tractor in because John Deere is his account). “Somewhere in this business, this has happened before,” Sterling says, before walking out. This business is CRAZY!

Joan gets a Coke out of the vending machine as Don enters the hospital waiting room… I don’t think this is the same waiting room from the baby ward. Don sadly notes that her dress is ruined with blood. “I didn’t expect you to come over,” she says. “I just thought you should know. Honestly when I called you, I thought he might die.” Eek, he lost the foot.

There’s something so frank about the way they talk to each other. It’s great.

(I wanted to make that photo the main photo, but… bloody spoiler alert.)

Don tells Joan that she’ll be missed. “That’s nice to hear. Especially from you, Don.” Joan and Don sit in silence for a few moments.

Joan: I bet he felt great when he woke up this morning.

Don: I’m sure you’re right.

Joan: But that’s life. One minute you’re on top of the world, the next minute some secretary’s running you over with a lawnmower.

They both start to laugh. It’s that kind of laughing you do when you don’t want to cry, because both of them are dealing with unspoken disappointment.

The Brits enter. OH, the guy she hit was GUY. THE Guy. Guy McKendrick. That’s why the Brits are here. Gosh, he looked different in the getting-hit scene. His hair looked darker, and… his face was twisted in pain. My bad.

Ahh: This episode is called “Guy Walks into an Advertising Agency.” But Guy doesn’t walk out. Get it?

St. John: He was great account man. Prodigy. He could talk a Scotsman out of a penny… Now that’s all over.

Don: I don’t know if that’s true.

Third Brit: The man is missing a foot. How is he going to work? He can’t walk.

St. John: Doctors said he’ll never golf again.

Jigga-what? None of this has to do with his ability to be an account man. I guess this was a time before… wheel chair access. Etc.

I talked to my mom about this, and she said that the 1960s were a time before amazing prosthetic technology, and before… you know, fairness. So a guy in a wheelchair or on crutches would just be considered a sad cripple. Part of Guy’s charm was his handsomeness, and his… tallness, or whatever. The way he could command a room. And, apparently, his ability to go business-golfing. Very important skill.

So… poor Guy. Ugh, this blows.

Now the Brits are going to re-evaluate their entire strategy? And Lane Pryce is going to stay in New York. And the office is closed tomorrow, which is also July 3rd. Well, that’s a plus. And the company is going to reimburse Joan for her dress. Score! She likely saved Guy’s life, with the tourniquet and all. So… tell them you need your job back!

Don to Joan: You should get home to that lucky husband.

SAY YOU NEED YOUR JOB BACK, JOAN! But Joan just kisses Don on the cheek, and wipes her lipstick off his face, in a motherly way. Don looks smitten. Even though Joan was his secretary, I have a feeling he never slept with her. Because he’s moral in certain arenas, and because she was Sterling’s girlfriend. But I bet she was his best secretary, because she ended up being Queen of the Secretaries.

Oh wait, it’s a Dr. Pepper vending machine. Not Coke. And it’s super cool. There’s a little door. Pryce buys sodas for himself and Don. He tells Don that he’s been reading American literature lately. As if it’s some new-fangled thing. Haha, those snobby Brits.

Pryce: Tom Sawyer.

Don: That’s a good one.

Pryce: I feel like I just went to my own funeral. I didn’t like the eulogy.

Oooh, THAT’s a good one. Poor Pryce. These Brits are getting ambushed… how appropriate, for 4th of July. (Also, there was a chapter in Tom Sawyer called “We Ambuscade the Arabs”… but I remember it being pronounced “A-Rabs,” like Connie said it. Everything ties together, on this show. Nothing is a throwaway.)

Don approaches his red front door. He picks a rose for Betty? Oh, it’s for Sally. From the fairies/Baby Gene. And she’s asleep, so he puts it on her desk.

Don’s in his room, taking off his tie, when Sally wakes up screaming bloody murder. It wakes the baby, and Betty brings him into Sally’s room. Sally screams even more when she sees the baby, and tries to hide in Don’s arms. “Get him out, Daddy!”

The dog comes in, barking. I didn’t remember them having a dog. “I don’t even know why to say,” Betty says, irritated. She leaves with the Baby Gene, which is totally a doll. Don comforts Sally.

Don: Calm down. Tell me what’s going on.

Sally: Grandpa Gene. He’s not supposed to be here anymore.

Don: He’s not.

Sally: He’s called Gene, he sleeps in his room, he looks just like him, and I bet when he starts talking he’s gonna sound just like him, too.

Don: He’s a baby. That’s it. I want you to go to sleep. There’s no such thing as ghosts.

Okay, this is MUCH more disturbing than the bloody foot stuff, in my opinion. I’m kind of surprised that my mom didn’t call to warn me about THIS. (Also, my theory about Baby Gene being Betty’s father-replacement is true. And… creepy? Oedipal on several levels? And Sally gets what I’m talking about.) Don goes back to his bedroom.

Don: Betts, this has to stop.

Betty: There’s nothing I can do. She’s jealous of her little brother.

Don: She’s not jealous, she’s scared, and it’s all because he has that name.

Betty accuses Don of bringing Sally into this, because he didn’t like Gene. And remember… he didn’t want the baby to be named Gene.

Betty: She’s a child, and she’ll get over it. And now you have to. He was my father, and that was his name. It’s what people do, Don. It’s how they keep the memory alive.

Don: He hated me and I hated him. That’s the memory.

The “that’s what people do” line is kind of cutting, because it highlights the fact that Don doesn’t have any family, nor does he talk about them. In some ways, Betty is calling him a non-person. And in some ways… that’s true.

Sally comes in and apologizes for waking up the baby, and Don and Sally go into the baby’s room. Don picks up Baby Gene, and sits down. He invites Sally to come over and see the baby. “You see?” he says. “It’s all right. This is your new brother. He’s only a baby. We don’t know who he is yet. We don’t know who he’s going to be. And that is a wonderful thing.”

Aw, this whole sequence is really sad. It’s getting back to the whole Don Draper/Dick Whitman thing. Don doesn’t want to remember his family. Don had to kind of re-birth himself. He was born through tragic circumstances two times over, and… it’s just kind of funny, how much he loves a clean slate.

I kind of like the idea of being able to trace yourself back a long, long way through a tradition… to know who you are from the day you’re born, to a certain extent. I mean, you can always grow from there. But maybe I’m wrong… or maybe I’m not articulating this the way I’d like to.

I feel like Don’s being a good father to Sally this season… and he’s really making an effort to try to make her not hate Baby Gene. Sally and Don actually have completely opposite feelings about the inappropriate-ness of the baby’s name. Sally doesn’t want Baby Gene to replace Grandpa Gene because he was dear to her, and Don… well, he didn’t like Gene at all, and the name’s a sour reminder, rather than a sad one.

And we end on that tableau, and a folksy song about birth and death. (I’m sure it’s famous.)

One final word about Joan: Maybe now that Harry is promoted, he can give Joan a TV job? She can’t leave the show, right?

Next on: Some ladies ask Betty if she’s suicidal. Always. Right?

xoxo…

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